UPDATE: I will post the rest of the novel (Summer's Desire) here!! At the moment I am posting the new seasons episode of Gossip Girl and 90210 at ishare-silentknow.com

泡沫之夏 - Summer’s Desire (the novel) - Volume 3.3

Chapter 12

The snowstorm has started again.

At least ten days have passed since the day Xiao Cheng fainted and had to be taken to the hospital. The snow from that night had earlier melted but then it was covered again by fresh snow. This year’s winter seems to bring about more snow than usual, as snowstorm after snowstorm passes through, as if it will never stop.

Xia Mo stands motionlessly, staring out the window.

Wasn’t everything getting better already, wasn’t everything starting to become more peaceful and happy for everyone? Then why is it so white and icy cold outside now?

The atmosphere inside the hospital is even colder than outside.

“… although the surgery did temporarily increase his time, his other organs have started suffering, and the current medical knowledge won’t be able to help him…”
“What about another surgery?”

Ou Chen’s quiet voice rings steadily in the room, his gaze finally moving from Xia Mo.

“He’s already been through four surgeries in a short amount of time, and surgeries do carry a risk to the body. Every surgery will weaken him even more… And looking at it right now, a surgery wouldn’t help him…”

At first, Xia Mo had been listening to the conversation but then slowly, her ears closed up, she cannot hear anything at all, only numbly staring out the window. Will Xiao Cheng get better? Yes… he will! So many times he managed to get better… This time… This time…

The silence in the room is deafening as the doctors stare at Xia Mo worriedly.

In the ten days that they’re returned to the hospital, Xia Mo actually has been losing weight faster than Xiao Cheng, her body as thin as a piece of paper, her eyes big and sunken into her face. Her eyes are like death, only flashing a dim light of vulnerability every now and then, the only thing supporting her body and mentality.

“Xia Mo…”

Her completely lost expression causes Ou Chen’s heart to twist and he cannot help but try to wake her from her daze.

“Xia Mo! Doctor!”

Zhen En suddenly rushes into the room, breaking out into tears and laughter upon seeing Xia Mo.

“Xia Mo — Xiao Cheng is awake!!”

*******

Since entering the hospital, this is the third time that Xiao Cheng has fainted.

After six hours of being unconscious, he has finally waken up. When Xia Mo rushes into the room, he has finally opened his eyes and although he is hooked up to various machines with an oxygen mask covering half of his face, his eyes light up with a childish delight at seeing his sister.

“Sister…”

He reaches out with an unsteady hand, a wavering smile on his face and as Xia Mo grasps his shaking hand, her throat constricts heavily and she is unable to say anything.

“Sister, don’t worry… I’m fine…”

Gripping her hand as tightly as possible, Xiao Cheng’s eyelids begin fluttering shut and his voice begins to break a little, as if his show of strength was just simply that – a show.

“Sister… I’m going to sleep some more… and then I’ll wake up…”

Xia Mo stares down at the sleeping Xiao Cheng and then sees out of the corner of her eye a figure pass by as it supports her. After some time, the darkness in front of her finally clears enough for her to see the doctors checking Xiao Cheng and she follows them out into the hallway.

“Will he be fine as long as he wakes up?”
“This…”
“Then what’s the next step for treatment?”
“We can only keep with his current treatment right now; Xiao Cheng needs to have some time for his body to heal. If he has no problems later, then we can discuss other possible surgery options.”
“Keeping with his current treatment… If keeping with his current treatment… how much time does he have…”

The doctors look at each other hesitatingly.

“That is really dependent on his health condition. If it improves, then he may have two to three months’ time. If it suddenly worsens, then it could be within a month… But everyone is different and the human body can be rather amazing. If the patient’s will to live is strong, then there could be a miracle… So, Xia Mo, you and Xiao Cheng cannot give up…”

A miracle…

Her body slowly freezing over and her ears deafening, Xia Mo feels her blood rushing over and over in waves. A miracle… is Xiao Cheng’s entire life only dependent on these two tiny and insignificant words?

The doctor gets called out to check in another patient.

Unable to stand in that hallway a moment longer, Xia Mo numbly continues to walk forward, her head staring at the ground as she continues walking in her own black hell…

Suddenly there is a light coldness on her face. Someone has placed a jacket around her, lightly brushing away that coldness on her face and in her hair…

“As long as you believe, a miracle will happen.”

A steady and warm voice is by her, the last root of hope to a dying plant and Xia Mo raises her head to look at that person in desperation. After some time, the haze clears from her vision and she realizes that she has walked out onto the balcony at the end of the hallway. In front of her are fluttering snowflakes and Ou Chen’s intense eyes.

“I never believed in fate.”

The snowflakes flutter down from that vast sky, covering her and Xia Mo closes her eyes. Ever since she was little, she has never believed in miracles or fate. Everything can only be earned and fought for; to her, miracles are just an illusion, like bubbles that children blow out.

“And perhaps because of that, fate will give all its luck to Xiao Cheng…”

In that snowflake-filled world, Ou Chen’s hands rest lightly on her shoulders, drawing her in close into his warmth, using all his strength to give her heat and support. In his embrace, her eyebrows lightly wrinkle, as if there is still a small sliver of hope left.

*******

It is as if a miracle really did happen.

After being unconscious for two hours, Xiao Cheng wakes up again, fulfilling his promise to his sister. Although his face is as white as the outside snow, his body even weaker than before, his illness really does seem to be improving. He is spending more and more time outside of his bed, slowing become more alert and his smiles have become even more pronounced.

“Sister, it’s snowing outside again.”

Xiao Cheng sits in bed, his eyes alight as he watches the dancing, silvery flakes.

“Yes, there seems to be a lot of snow today. The kids must be excited.”
“I like it too! Sister, let’s go have a snowball fight, okay? When Brother-in-law gets here, we’ll go together!”

Xia Mo stills, her gaze fixed on the flowers that she is currently arranging in their vase, the words “brother-in-law” bringing a steady stream of warm emotion to her heart.

Ou Chen has nearly been at the hospital all day these past few days, having handed over business matters to his employees. He has been busy everyday, discussing other treatment possibilities with the doctors, inviting other doctors and medical students for their opinions and even personally flying out of the country to request medical experts. He doesn’t say much when he is in the room but has taken over every detail of Xiao Cheng’s care.

If he hadn’t been at her side, she doesn’t think she could have taken it again…

“The doctor said you still can’t go outside yet; after you’re a little better, we’ll go then.” Xia Mo chuckles at the childish disappointment on Xiao Cheng’s face. Ever since he was little, he has always liked to have snowball fights and has always liked to make snowmen, approaching every snow day with as much joy as a holiday.

“Those doctors always make things sound worse than they really are; actually, I’m doing a lot better.” Xiao Cheng exaggeratedly flexes his muscle arm for Xia Mo. “Sister, see? Look how strong I am; I think I’m getting some muscle!”
“Yes, I think you’re becoming more alert too,” Xia Mo’s heart pulls at the paper-thin color on his face and his ever-weakening body, but forces herself to paste a smile on her face. “Perhaps after some time, you’ll be released from the hospital.”
“That’s right, especially since I don’t have to do any more surgeries, I should be released very soon. Ah, I really want to go back home; Milk must be really bored by himself. After being released from the hospital, there are a lot of things I want to do…”
“What about putting on an art exhibit?”
“Art exhibit?”
“Yes, your own art exhibit. Let’s put all your works on display. Before you only participated in other exhibits or in competitions; it’s about time you officially put them on display for the public to see!”
“Sister, only famous people have their own art exhibits.”
“Says who! Who said that only they can hold their own exhibits? Besides, your work is better than theirs, so you have more right to open one! You’ll need to invite all your classmates and professors, and of course me, Ou Chen, Zhen En…” Xia Mo’s voice trails off as a memory from childhood suddenly flits through her mind, a memory of that person…
“If I have a chance to have my own exhibit, I don’t want that many people to come, because the majority of those paintings were specifically drawn only for you, Sister. As long as you like them, then that’s enough for me.”
“Xiao Cheng…”

Xia Mo stills, a bittersweet feeling flooding her vision as that person becomes more prominent in her mind. She doesn’t know if Xiao Cheng still remembers that person, that person who caused Mom so much pain and threw her into Hell, that person who only appeared a long, long time ago in their childhood…

“Do you want to see… anyone else?”

She questioningly asks Xiao Cheng. He was only a child back then, perhaps he no longer remembers anything.

“Huh?”
“For example… do you still remember, that there used to be an Uncle Xia… he…” If possible, she would rather never mention this person in front of Xiao Cheng. But this person is still  Xiao Cheng’s… She doesn’t want Xiao Cheng to have any regrets; if Xiao Cheng wants to see that person, she will use any method possible to make him appear in front of Xiao Cheng…

Xiao Cheng’s entire body freezes! He numbly sits there, the previous light in his eyes slowly bleeding away. The words “Uncle Xia” from her mouth are like a nightmare from his past. He should have already overcome it but every time it is let loose, it leaves a wake of bloody scars in its path.

Seeing his expression, Xia Mo knows. Even though he was still young at the time, he has not forgotten anything…

………………………………….

“Why did you look for her?! What exactly did you say to her!”

A young Xia Mo anxiously pulls Xiao Cheng away to hide under the entranceway to the room, listening to the tense conversation in the living room. She’s really scared; she knows that this Uncle Xia has connections in the mafia and may have killed someone in the past, and now he is yelling at Mommy like he wants to kill her too.

“I told her that you are my man! Didn’t she already give you up? And she’s married now, so she has no right to bother you anymore!”

SMACK!

A loud slap rings across Mommy’s face and her face instantly turns white in her shock. She wants to rush out there to protect Mommy but the quaking, three-year old Xiao Cheng does not let her go.

“You slapped me?! What right do you have to slap me?! How have I treated you all these years? I protected you at the risk of my own life, saving you from your enemies! Look at the scars on my chest! Look at the knife wounds to my back! And your son! You won’t even claim the son I bore you, won’t you?!?”

Mommy rushes out of the room, throws open the doors and drags Xiao Cheng over to face that man.

“He is your son!”

That man stares evenly at Mommy, his eyes not even looking at Xiao Cheng. “He is not my son. You are of no relation to me!” Slamming the doors behind him as he leaves, he never once turns back around.

Mommy stares motionlessly at that closed doors, crazed tears streaming down her face.

The young her stares at Mommy in shock and then looks at Xiao Cheng, his little body shaking.

…………….

From that day on, that man never appeared at their house again. Mommy stopped going to work, hiding in the house everyday to cry and to drink, and then drunkenly searching the streets at night for that man, dragging Xiao Cheng in tow.

She doesn’t know what kind of places Mommy took Xiao Cheng to and she doesn’t know whether or not Mommy ever actually found that man.

Every time she would come back home either in the middle of the night or early morning, completely intoxicated, her face stained with tears. And Xiao Cheng would appear like a frightened little kitten, his eyes filled with horror and cradled in her embrace.

……………

Finally one day, Mommy gave up.

“You don’t have a dad.”

Mommy glared at Xiao Cheng, her eyes bloodshot and her body reeking of alcohol.

“Your dad is dead! Do you hear me?!”

The young her tightly hugged Xiao Cheng, feeling his little body shaking and he seemed to nod his little head.

……………………………………………………

She had always thought that God was fair; however much He gives to someone is how much He will take in return. But in regards to Xiao Cheng, fate has dealt him a far too cruel of a hand, forcing him at the tender age of three to bear such a hard truth.

And then Mom passed away, the orphanage, the car accident… It is as if his life has never had a true moment of happiness, and now, God wants to take his life away too!

Staring at Xiao Cheng’s ashen face, Xia Mo’s heart pulls heavily. No matter how much she tries to trick herself into believing otherwise, she very clearly knows that Xiao Cheng is only living on borrowed time right now. Everyday he loses more and more weight, his face becoming more and more white, his bouts of unconsciousness increasing each time and his moments of alertness ever shortening…

“Except for you and Brother-in-law, I don’t have any other relative.” Pause. “I don’t want to bother him nor do I want him to come bother me.”
“Xiao Cheng…”

The complex of emotions consuming her heart makes Xia Mo unable to continue on. Perhaps Xiao Cheng is right. Even if President Xia appears in front of Xiao Cheng now, even if he claims him as his son, what would be the point? He cannot redo the past ten years and Mom is long dead now.

“Why isn’t Brother-in-law here yet?” Xiao Cheng purposely changes the conversation. “Isn’t Brother-in-law always at your side; how come he hasn’t shown up yet? Is it because you’re always keeping me company and so now he’s envious?”

KNOCK! KNOCK!

As if responding to Xiao Cheng’s question, someone knocks on the door and then Ou Chen walks into the room, holding a large food container. His gaze instantly falls on Xia Mo first, noticing the slight despondence in her expression but also her relatively peaceful demeanor before focusing on Xiao Cheng.

“How are you feeling today?” Ou Chen places the container on the bedside table.
“A little better than yesterday. I was just discussing with Sister what we want to do after I’m released from the hospital.” Xiao Cheng laughs.
“What’s the plan?”
“Sister wants to help me open an art exhibit but I really just need her as my one guest because if the opinions don’t fit, then my head starts hurting.”
“Then let’s open the art exhibit for a few days. The first day will just be for Xia Mo and the second day will be opened to the public. ” Ou Chen opens the container’s lid and the warm aroma of food drifts out. “Let me deal with the logistics for the art exhibit; you two should eat dinner.”

Meal items were carefully planned out by the doctor and Xia Mo, and then given to the staff back at home for preparation. Because they were afraid that Xiao Cheng wouldn’t have much an appetite eating by himself, meals are always prepared for two so that Xia Mo can keep him company. Each meal is kept simple and plain.

Xia Mo places the individual dishes in front of Xiao Cheng but is taken aback when she opens the final box to find a piece of peppered beef.

“This is…” Xia Mo remembers that Ou Chen knows that Xiao Cheng cannot eat anything with spice right now so why would he bring something like this? Did the chef make a mistake?

“This is for you.”

Ou Chen stares at her ever-thinning face. Whenever she is keeping Xiao Cheng company, she eats the same bland things that he eats and her appetite has decreased everyday, barely eating a few bites before putting her chopsticks down. The beef was something that she loved to eat when she was younger, saying that the spices were perfect for increasing her appetite, so hopefully it is still something she likes.

A warm feeling rushes up through Xia Mo and she looks up at Ou Chen, suddenly realizing that he too, has lost a lot of weight. Since Xiao Cheng had to live in the hospital again, all of her focus has been placed on him, and she and he have not had a chance to talk about the divorce papers currently sitting inside her the drawer of her nightstand.

“Ah, it smells really good,” Xiao Cheng takes a big whiff of it, laughing. “Sister, you’re so lucky; Brother-in-law is really sweet and attentive. He hasn’t forgotten your favorite dish from before. Sigh, I really want to have some too but I can’t right now, so Sister, you have to eat my share of it too, okay?”
“Okay.”

Xia Mo smiles in return and as she prepares to dig in, she pauses, asking Ou Chen, “Have you not eaten either?” Calculating his schedule for that day, he would have take a doctor from the airport to the hospital, and then returned home to pick up the specially-prepared dinner. Such a tight schedule essentially guarantees that he was was unable to stop to eat anything at all.

Before Ou Chen even has a chance to respond, Xia Mo has already placed a bowl and chopsticks in front of him, saying warmly, “Let’s eat together. If you don’t eat on schedule, you’ll get a stomachache.”

Xiao Cheng smiles in glee at the obvious caring between Sister and Brother-in-law, his heart warming and his eyes alight. Perhaps Sister marrying Ou Chen is God’s greatest comfort to him. Ou Chen so deeply loves Sister and it is starting to look like Sister is accepting Ou Chen more and more each day… So that when he leaves, Sister will still be happy…

“From now on, let’s eat together everyday!” Xiao Cheng announces. “It’ll be just like at home!”

Xia Mo starts and then glances over at Ou Chen, and seeing his intense gaze back on her, her heart is calmed and she adds, “Okay, as long as your brother-in-law has time to come over, then we’ll eat together.”
“Okay.” Ou Chen places a piece of beef in Xia Mo’s bowl and watches her eat it.
“However, three people eating together still isn’t that much fun,” Xiao Cheng teases. “Sister, you need to step on it, so I can personally feed my nephews and nieces at dinner time. Having kids will be much more exciting…”

The sounds of their laughter echo throughout the room, as if enthusiastically welcoming a beautiful future up ahead and they will be spending the rest of their days just like this.

******

The time passes day by day, and within a blink of an eye, winter’s coldest day is already a thing of the past as daylight becomes longer and the nights shorter. Even the flowers have begun to bloom.

Since Xia Mo is currently visiting with the doctor and Ou Chen has momentarily stepped away, only Xiao Cheng and Zhen En are left in the room. Xiao Cheng is sitting up in bed, his attention on the blooming flowers, his hand idly drawing.

“Why don’t you rest for a bit; you’ve already been drawing for more than half an hour.”

Placing a glass of hot water by his bed, Zhen En looks at Xiao Cheng with pain in her heart. His face is abnormally white and his breathing labored, and he constantly has to stop drawing in order to rest, closing his eyes momentarily before resuming his work.

“I’m almost done.”

Xiao Cheng smiles, staring adoringly at his work. It is a picture of Sister watering the flowers in the gardens, smiling radiantly.

Zhen En stares back at Xiao Cheng as a creeping realization slowly hits her.

Whenever Xia Mo is in the room, Xiao Cheng appears to be healthy and happy, just like he is filled with a child’s energy, harping endlessly about wanting to go outside and play in the snow. But whenever Xia Mo is not in the room, he suddenly becomes very quiet and with the exception of drawing, has no energy to do anything besides sit in bed, sometimes sleeping, sometimes fainting, his face so pale that it is as if his life is slowly draining from him.

“Xiao Cheng… You’re faking it, aren’t you? You’re scared that Xia Mo will worry, so you pretend in front of her that you’re really healthy and strong, as if your health was steadily improving but the truth is nothing like that, isn’t it?”

Xiao Cheng suddenly stops his drawing.

“Why are you doing this? Pretending in front of Xia Mo everyday – isn’t it tiring? Can your body even handle it? Why can’t you just rest? Xia Mo wants to see you really become healthy and not just you faking it.”
“But, this is the last happiness I can give her.”
“What are you talking about?!”
“I will not get better and so while I’m still alive, I want to make Sister happy. I don’t want her to be sad because of me.”
“That’s nonsense! Why do you have to say such things?”

Zhen En’s entire body begins to shake and the darkness of her fear begins to surround her, her heart shattering.

“How can you possibly die! Aren’t you the one saying everyday that you’re getting better?! You said you’re gaining weight, you said you can go outside and have a snowball fight… Weren’t you the one who said you wanted to go out and make snowmen?! How can you suddenly say that you won’t get better?!”

Zhen En’s voice suddenly breaks and she starts violently shaking her head, tears streaming down her face in rivulets, her entire mind a haze.

“It’s impossible! You’re not going to die! You’re going to live! Xiao Cheng, you’re mistaken; you probably just over-analyzed everything, you’re not going to die, you’re going to get better, you’ll be released from the hospital soon…”

It is a snowy world outside the window. The flowers just outside the window are starting to blossom.

“I’m sorry. Forget what I just said.” There is a tinge of pain in Xiao Cheng’s voice although his smile is warm. “Sister Zhen En, I once promised you that I would do a drawing of you, right?”

He pulls out a drawing from his bedside table, smiling. “It’s finished now, see if you like it.”

The drawing is of the road going to the cake shop that she used to work at, the lavender flowers by the side of the road are in full bloom. He is riding a motorcycle while she sits behind him, her face rosy and joyfully flinging her hands out while singing a song.

The Zhen En in the drawing is so happy and carefree…

Zhen En numbly stares at the drawing. During that time, both she and Xia Mo had been working at the cake shop and Xiao Cheng would stop by often to visit them. She and Xia Mo would greet the customers while he would sit quietly in a corner and draw. Looking back now on it, that was really a time of happiness then. The only thing she had minded the most back then was that Xiao Cheng would always let Xia Mo sit in front of him while she was always relegated to the back…

A single tear falls down onto the drawing, blurring the lavender blooms.

“I really like this drawing. It’s just of you and me,” Zhen En roughly scrubs at the tears on her face. “Actually you’ve never come over by yourself to find me. Only when Xia Mo is there, do you take me on the motorcycle. If Xia Mo is not there, then you’ll rush off to find her, as if I was nothing but empty air.”
“Really?”
“Of course!” The tears rolling down her face cannot be stopped now. “I was really jealous back then, hoping that one day you’d notice me, slowly notice me and not just because I was Xia Mo’s friend. That kind of jealousy really scared me then because I was afraid that I would become a horrible woman, someone who would eventually come to despise Xia Mo for stealing all your attention away.”
“Sister Zhen En…”
“In order to not become a bad person and to not make you hate me, I did everything I could to become Xia Mo’s best friend. I got close to her, I cared about her… As long as I was good to her, then you would be good to me. But, look, I’m still a horrible person because my friendship to Xia Mo has an ulterior motive. I only got close to her to get close to you!”

The tears fall drop by drop now and Zhen En’s voice breaks.

“Everything you just said… it is true?! You’re really going to die, there’s no more chances of you getting better… Perhaps you’ll die really soon and so you said everything you just said, right?! I know why you said that to me! Because you’re scared that Xia Mo will worry, so you in front of her you pretend to be strong and healthy! But… but… you’re scared that after you die, Xia Mo will still be devastated, so you want me to comfort her then… That’s why you said all of that to me, right?!”
“Sister Zhen En…”
“Don’t call me Sister Zhen En; I’ve said it over and over again! Call me Zhen En; I’m not your sister, Xia Mo is your sister and I’m not!”
“I’m sorry, Sister Zhen En, but in my mind, you have always been like another sister to me. No matter what your reasoning was for becoming Sister’s friend, but you’ve always wholeheartedly helped her. I’m really grateful to God for letting Sister have a good friend like you and I’m really grateful that you’ve been by her side all this time.”
“Xiao Cheng…”

The tears on Zhen En’s face are damp and painful, and her heart is also damp and painful.

“If there is a next life, I will try calling your name and not treat you like another sister.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“You said so yourself, you can’t back out now! I will remember what you said and if there really is a next life but you forget it, I will hate you!” Crying and laughing at the same time, Zhen En again roughly scrubs her tears away, although it seems like her tears are endless like the river.

“Okay.”

Smiling softly, Xiao Cheng hands a tissue over to her. She quickly wipes at her face and breathes in deeply. She cannot cry, she still has something to say to Xiao Cheng.

“Then I promise you too.” Pause. “Even though I’m really stupid, even though I have nothing redeeming, even though I don’t have that much of an influence but, I swear, I will use my entire life to protect Xia Mo. If you’re not here, I will use your part too, to stand by her and take care of her so that she may have a lifetime of peace and happiness!”
“Sister Zhen En…” Xiao Cheng’s eyes redden.
“But, you have to promise me, you cannot give up. Perhaps you are just being pessimistic, perhaps you will get better, perhaps a miracle will happen!”

*******

But a miracle never appeared and Xiao Cheng becomes weaker with each passing day, his face becoming whiter than the snow. He is the complete opposite of the changing season now, his moments of unconsciousness becoming longer and longer while his moments of alertness steadily decrease.

Whenever Xia Mo is standing watch over him, he keeps to his old habit of desperately trying to maintain a healthy and exuberant face in front of her, while she carries on without ever suspecting him, as if he will be getting better soon. Zhen En also tries her best to match with Xiao Cheng, lightening the atmosphere but when she sees the smiling Xia Mo and the smiling Xiao Cheng, the growing sadness inside threatens to overwhelm her.

Does he really think that he’ll be able to trick Xia Mo? That Xia Mo really knows nothing?

Outside of the patient room.

Xia Mo sits on a bench outside, staring woodenly down the hallway, as if all her strength was completely taken away from her the instant she left Xiao Cheng’s side. A moment ago she had handed a glass of water to Xiao Cheng and yet his fingers had been so weak that he couldn’t even pick up the glass. She closes her eyes, her face even more pale than Xiao Cheng’s.

“Xia Mo…”

Zhen En walks out into the hallway, worry evident in her voice. Suddenly hearing Zhen En’s voice, Xia Mo snaps her eyes wide open, a crazed horror in them.

“Is Xiao Cheng…”
“No, he’s just sleeping.” Zhen En hurriedly explains. “Do you want to sleep for a little bit? I don’t think you’ve slept at all this past week.”
“I’m fine.” Exhaling a deep breath, Xia Mo stands up. “I’m going to the consulting room for a moment.”

Watching the slowly departing figure of Xia Mo, Zhen En stands there motionlessly. Xiao Cheng, are you the one putting an act for Xia Mo or is Xia Mo putting an act on for you? Perhaps, both people clearly know but because they cannot stand to see the other suffer, they are both choosing to wear a mask of happiness.

*******

As Xia Mo approaches the closed room, she can hear voices coming through the door. Just as she is raising her hand to knock though, she pauses as she catches onto Ou Chen’s conversation with the doctors –

“Can’t you do anything at all?!” Ou Chen’s voice is hollowed and bitter.
“… we’ve already thought of everything and we’ve run all possible tests but everything we tried did not help the patient’s condition. The truth is, the fact that he’s even still alive is a miracle in itself. A week ago, we had originally thought…”
“What about another surgery? Although there’s a risk involved, it would still be better than just watching him get worse!”
“A surgery will only further weaken him and we’ve already looked into it. The risk attached to the surgery is too great; he essentially has no chance of living through the operation.”
“I didn’t hire all of you to listen to you say this! As doctors, you need to heal the patient and come up with ways to save him! I don’t believe he will die! He’s only twenty years old! There cannot be no hope left for him!”

Ou Chen’s bitter cries echo hollowly through the room though – the silence is deadening. Finally, his broken voice can be heard through the door.

“Don’t let Xia Mo know. If she asks, tell her that you are still thinking of something, that Xiao Cheng’s illness isn’t completely hopeless…”

*******

Out on the balcony, Xia Mo’s footsteps make a light click as she walks forward, stopping only until the cold railing is directly in front of her.

Her eyes no longer move as she numbly stares straight down. Her brain is completely wooden.

Just like the blanket of snow down below her, cold and empty.

*******

Winter in New York has also brought heavy snowstorms. Every time it snows, Luo Xi always goes outside to silently stand there, his hand outreached to let a snowflake lightly flutter into his palm. The crystal coldness of the snowflakes are just like that night he left her, as if her scent is still with him, as if she has only just disappeared from his sight.

Since leaving the entertainment world and coming to New York, thus ridding himself of all that paparazzi, he has found his life suddenly empty. Perhaps a long time ago, he has already become used to a chaotic schedule, just like a a spinning top that is constantly turning, and now that he has suddenly stopped, he finds himself at a lost as to what he actually wants to do for himself.

His apartment is in the most affluent neighborhood of New York.

Everyday looking down on the bustling traffic and crowds of people on the street, his loneliness cloaks him like the night. He’s learned how to smoke, learned how to drink and is now staying awake throughout the nights, staring mindlessly at the phone.

Countless times he had wanted to pick up the phone and enter that familiar number, not even to say anything but just to hear her voice once.

He had thought that he could leave her. He had thought that as long as he left the city she was in, distanced himself away from her scent, he would slowly forget her.

But he did leave. And yet has left his heart there.

The snow is falling down thickly in New York.

He stands out in the snow, letting it completely cover his body. He knows that it is also snowing there; perhaps it is also the same snow that is falling on her.

*******

The snow is fluttering lightly outside the window. A pale-faced Xia Mo sits by the bed while Ou Chen organizes all the drawing supplies. Xiao Cheng has not waken up once in this past week.

Ou Chen stands behind her, his hands laying firmly on her shoulders, trying to get her to lean against him for support but her body is completely frozen solid, as if it has completely lost any flexibility.

The container of food on the bedside table is untouched, its contents having cooled down a long time ago.

*******

Winter slowly leaves but the snow stubbornly refuses to stop.

It is fast becoming spring. And yet the flowers outside the window have now drooped.

*******

Luo Xi chose to study filmography at New York University. Having worked in the entertainment industry for so long now, performance has unconsciously become an important part of his life now and he cannot bear to completely give it up, so he has decided to study it from a completely new perspective.

Ever since he was young, he was always able to quickly adapt to the academic life, and now his constant flow of homework has completely filled his time, his bedside table covered in textbooks and materials. Just like any other student, he drives himself to school everyday, eating lunch in the cafeteria, and then having take-out or leftovers for dinner.

His insomnia has slowly improved.

At the highest points, sometimes he would even fall asleep. In his dreams, he is sometimes sitting underneath the cherry blossom tree, sometimes he is standing underneath her window, sometimes waiting by the road that she travels to go home…

But no matter how long he waits in his dreams, she never appears…

One day, when Jie Ni calls him to check in, he finally asks her hoarsely how she is doing. Jie Ni pauses for a few seconds before telling him that it’s been a long time since any news about her has surfaced.

Perhaps no news is good news.

She should be doing okay. At the least, better than being with him.

*******

Zhen En is currently rushing down the hospital hallway as if her very life depended on it, holding a vibrant yellow flowers in her hands, anxiously looking forward to giving Xiao Cheng a surprise. However, when she arrives in the doorway, she again sees Xiao Cheng in a life-threatening situation!

The ashen Xiao Cheng is lying unconscious on the bed while the doctors hurriedly try to revive him. Zhen En is pushed back outside by the rushing nurses, and she watches the scene in horror through the window from the hallway. Every time the doctors have to revive him, it seems to get harder and harder, as if the devil who is trying to steal Xiao Cheng away is getting stronger and stronger.

Ou Chen is standing next to Xia Mo, his hands gripping her shoulders, silently watching the doctors and nurses, silently watching her.

Xia Mo’s eyes are completely ink black as if she cannot see anything anymore. Her entire focus is centered on the comatose Xiao Cheng, her body lightly shaking, as if her last fragile support is slowly folding over on itself.

******

His academic career becoming more busy, Luo Xi’s stellar work is gaining him praise and recognition from his professors, and more and more of his classmates are becoming his friends.

A director who has won Asia’s Best Director award twice is a friend of his previous mentor, and while visiting his alma mater one day, he spots Luo Xi on campus and is instantly caught by the way he carries himself. Learning that Luo Xi was once a known and brilliant performer, the director watches all of his past works and then relentlessly tries to persuade Luo Xi to be the male lead in his next project.

However, Luo Xi declines all invitations to re-enter the entertainment industry.

He still eats his simple meals for dinner every night, does his homework, or silently stands by the window of his bedroom. He had promised her that he would forget her, and that he would never again appear in front of her.

******

The flowers outside the window have begun to rise up again in blossom.

Xiao Cheng does not see those flowers.

He lies in bed, never waking up from his coma. After repeated tries of helping him, the doctors can only temporarily leave in defeat. He is deep in his coma, only the constant beeping of the heart monitor giving proof that he is still alive.

Days go by.

Xiao Cheng continues to sleep.

The doctors are increasingly more somber and the dosage of Xiao Cheng’s medications are increased but it seems to have no effect on him and his heart continues to grow weaker. One afternoon, the heart monitor suddenly emits a shocking noise –

BEEP ——

BEEP ——

Seeing the weakening line on the heart monitor, a pale Xia Mo quickly rushes up to call for help but ends up stumbling from her lack of sleep this past few weeks, her eyes flitting crazily. Ou Chen supports her with one hand while pushing the emergency button with the other, seeing the look of death on Xiao Cheng’s face and feeling the heavy shakes beginning to consume Xia Mo’s body, his own heart falls heavily.

When the doctors and nurses rush into the room, Zhen En has already completely lost it. Having witnessed this scene so many times already, the horror of this moment completely overshadows all those other times and she desperately covers her mouth, so scared that she wants to cry out, a fear slowly taking over her body.

“Please move!”

A frantic nurse pushes them into a corner away from the bed.

“His heart has stopped!”

A doctor cries out and starts to push down on Xiao Cheng’s chest!

“Blood pressure approaching zero!”
“I need adrenal injections!”
“Yes!”
“Blood pressure at zero!”
“Increase the dosage!”

Like a silent movie, the doctors anxiously try all ways to revive him, as the heart monitor emits a strangled cry. Xiao Cheng silently lies on the bed, as if he has only just fallen peacefully asleep, and the hand that is connected to the IV drip slowly slides off the bed.

“….”

Xia Mo’s wooden body begins to shake violently and Ou Chen tightly holds onto her, feeling her coldness like a block of ice, the intensity of her shakes vibrating through him!

“Xiao Cheng—” Zhen En can no longer maintain her emotions as tears start rolling freely down her face and she cries out.

“Give me the heart defibrillator!”

Sweat is pouring off the doctor’s forehead as the line on the heart monitor turns completely straight.

PING!

Xiao Cheng’s body bounces straight up.

“More voltage!”
PING!!

Xiao Cheng’s body again bounces straight up and then falls limply back down.

“More voltage!”
PING!!!

Just like before, Xiao Cheng’s body bounces straight up and then thuds heavily back down, the heart monitor emitting a continuous, streaming beep, and a straight line…

“… I’m sorry but we did our best…”

The voice flutters in brokenly into Xia Mo’s ears. She raises her head up, as if to be able to listen to the doctor more clearly, her eyes are hollowed… And then a hoarse and broken sound seems to come from her throat and no one is able to clearly hear what exactly she is saying.

“You’re lying! Xiao Cheng wouldn’t die! Why aren’t you helping him! Xiao Cheng’s not dead, he’s still alive! He’s still alive! What are you doing just standing there! Hurry up and save Xiao Cheng! Save Xiao Cheng –!”

Zhen En clutches at the doctor’s coat, bitterly crying out as tears of pain dampen her face. Xiao Cheng wouldn’t die, no matter how cruel God is, he wouldn’t just heartlessly take away such a young person!

“Miss, please calm down!”

The nurses restrain Zhen En from the doctors and she continues to scream at them. “Hurry up and save Xiao Cheng! Otherwise I’m going to sue you! He’s still alive, he’s not dead!”

Staring at the peaceful Xiao Cheng who simply looks like he is just in a deep slumber, Ou Chen feels his heart roll over in pain and he rapidly blinks his eyes. His gaze falls on Xia Mo and he sees her just dumbly standing there, her attention riveted as if listening to something.

“…”

Her cracked lips move quietly as if whispering something, her eyes warm and empty.

“Xia Mo.”

Ou Chen’s heart quickens, remembering six years ago when her parents were killed, how she had appeared lost and crazed underneath that cherry blossom tree.

“….”

A quiet murmuring, she appears to be talking to someone, her voice is low and soft as a smile flits on her face.

“Xia Mo!”

Ou Chen calls out painfully, his hand outstretched to pull her into him, a creeping horror beginning to fill his entire body. He would rather see her scream and shout like Zhen En as opposed to this strangely quiet expression.

“….”

She quietly listens and moves away from Ou Chen’s reaching hand, her head cocked to the side as she flutters over to the bed, her footsteps light like a dream, quietly murmuring as she makes her way.

The silence in the room has become deafening.

Ou Chen’s eyes are dark as he watches her. Zhen En also numbly watches her, her hands slowly loosening their grip on the doctor. The doctors and nurses don’t know what she is planning on doing as they all watch her head towards the bed.

It is so quiet. Her low murmurings are slowly heard by everyone.

“Everyone listen…”

Xia Mo’s voice is quiet as she stands next to the bed, leaning over and lightly caressing Xiao Cheng’s cold face.

“Everyone listen…”

Her eerily soft voice flutters through the room.

BEEP! BEEP!

Suddenly the heart monitor begins to emit a beeping noise again and the straight line begins to move! The nurses’ mouths fall wide open as the doctors rush forward to check on Xiao Cheng, seemingly saying something and then silently leaving the room.

Xiao Cheng’s eyebrows wiggle slightly and then slowly, so slowly, his eyes open.

“Sister…”
“You’re finally awake.” Xia Mo lightly brushes aside his hair as two teardrops silently fall. The afternoon sunlight turns the room into a rainbow color, silently spraying down on his snow-white bed. “Do you know? Everyone just said you were dead.”

Xiao Cheng’s eyes are warm like the lake.

“How could I die? I promised you, I would be with Sister forever, and I would never leave your side…”
“Yes, I remember, so I didn’t let them trick me.” Her finger lightly traces his face. “You see, Sister didn’t cry, Sister didn’t fall for it…”
“Sister…” In that golden sunlight, Xiao Cheng’s smile is so bright that it is transparent and he lightly holds onto her hand. “I don’t die, I can’t bear to leave you.”
“I know, you won’t die.” She pulls him into her embrace, lightly holding on him. “God is fair. Whatever he gives to people, he’ll then take away something else. He hasn’t given anything to you though, so he definitely will not take away your life.”
“Sister… the way you’re hugging me right now, it’s like when I was little… You used to always hold me like this when I was little, helping me to go sleep, singing me songs and always making me chicken wings, they smelled so good and are so yummy…”
“You want to eat it.”

Xia Mo is saddened. Since he has entered the hospital, he has only been eating bland meals.

“Yeah, I haven’t had them in a long time…”
“Sister will go make them then, okay?”
“But, I want Sister to keep holding me like this, I don’t want you to leave.” Xiao Cheng holds onto her tightly.
“Then I’ll wait for you to fall asleep before making it, okay?” She gently pats his back. A long, long time ago, when he was just a newborn baby, she would hold him like this everyday. He would never cry or make a fuss, and would quietly fall asleep as long as she was patting his back.

“Sister…”

In her embrace, he slowly falls asleep.

“Sister, I won’t die, I’ll be with you forever…”

Chapter 13

The snow has finally melted.

Milk stealthily climbs up the window, his pan of milk in front of him still virtually untouched, uneasily staring back and forth between the milk and the general room. The eerie silence in the house causes him to lick once at the milk before quickly raising his head to check his surroundings.

This is Xia Mo and Xiao Cheng’s old house.

Everything is the same as before the wedding, all the kitchen supplies have been returned to their original places and even that goldfish plated white pot is now sitting its old spot.

Ou Chen stands in the doorway of the kitchen.

His posture is as straight as always but he has lost a lot of weight, his face bearing a light shadow of facial hair as he watches her busily work in the kitchen, repeating the same actions that have become her daily habit.

The smell of rice wafts from a pot.

Xia Mo washes the chicken wings a second time, turning on the stove and then carefully flipping the wings over while she cooks them. Waiting for the soup to start bubbling, she then places the chicken wings into the pot, smiling to herself as she scoops another bowl of rice and heads towards the kitchen table.

Ou Chen moves aside from the doorway.

Her eyes don’t change at all, as if not even noticing Ou Chen’s gesture and she flutters by him like a cloud. Placing the dishes on the table, a warm smile playing on her lips, she calls out brightly towards Xiao Cheng’s room.

“Xiao Cheng, it’s time to eat!”

Ou Chen feels his heart gripped tightly in a cold vise.

He silently watches her sitting at the kitchen table, silently watches her pull out that empty chair, and he stares at those chicken wings that sit on the dining table everyday and that single bowl and pair of chopsticks. He has already long become accustomed to her actions but yet the pain consuming his heart continues to increase day by day.

“Is it good?”

Xia Mo stares lovingly at that empty chair, its only occupant the warm glow of the afternoon sunlight.

“You need to eat more if it’s good.”

She places a chicken wing into Xiao Cheng’s bowl, smiling exuberantly, her eyes gentle and warm, as if her entire happiness is dependent simply on him having a full stomach.

“Do you still remember, that this recipe was taught to us by Mommy?” Smiling at the memory, she places another chicken wing into the bowl. “You have to first cook the chicken wings in freshly boiled water before frying it. This way it won’t burn so easily… remember to put some oil in the pot, some sugar, and then place the chicken wings in upside down to flip over while frying… The first time I made it, I essentially cooked the sugar before putting the chicken wings in and completely messed it all up but yet you still said that it was good… You were lying to me then, weren’t you…”

“…………………..”

In that bright sunlight, her gentle voice lightly dances through the room as Milk continues to slurp at his milk. The chicken wings slowly pile up in that bowl and she stops in surprise when it can no longer be filled.

And then, she is silent.

The light in her eyes slowly bleeds out and she numbly sits there, numbly staring at the chicken wings piled precariously in that bowl and at that sunlight-soaked empty chair. Her face is completely devoid of expression as if she has no thought at all. If no one bothers her, she could simply sit there forever.

“You should eat some too, okay?”

A man’s hand carefully carries a spoonful of rice to her lips.

“Just a little bit, okay?”

The voice is extra warm and pleading and the spoon is brought slightly closer to her mouth as Ou Chen tries to get her to eat something, even if it’s only a tiny bit. Since Xiao Cheng fell into a coma and up until the day he passed away, she has essentially not eaten anything. These past few days she hasn’t even had a drop of water or food in her system.

“Xia Mo…”

Watching that blankly closed mouth, a feeling of tormented helplessness and fear again takes over Ou Chen’s body and he gathers her wooden body into his arms, closing his eyes and crying out hoarsely, “Don’t be like this. Xiao Cheng will be sad to see you like this from Heaven.”

In his embrace, she blankly stares straight ahead of her, her eyes big and sunken, hollowed and soulless. Her body is so skinny that she is nothing but bones now, all her flesh and blood slowly draining out from her.

“I beg you…” Ou Chen tightly holds onto her, wishing that he could push his own life into her body. “Just eat a little bit, okay?”

As if hearing the pained cry in his voice, her body seems to loosen slightly and letting go of her, he again brings the spoon to her lips. Her cracked lips continue to remain numbly shut though, and so hardening his heart, he pushes the spoon through her closed mouth.

Watching her woodenly swallow that spoonful down her throat, Ou Chen’s eyes brighten a little, and he gently wipes at her mouth with a napkin. Scooping another spoonful, this time purposefully adding a bit of chicken meat, he brings the spoon to her mouth again.

“That’s right, let’s eat some more…”

At this time, her face suddenly whitens as her chest starts pounding, and she swings her face to the side, opening her mouth and begins to violently vomit!

She completely empties that last bite of rice.

And she still continues to vomit. Mouthfuls and mouthfuls of vomit, her face paper white and her entire body covered in sweat, everything she is expelling now is only clear liquid.

“Xia Mo!”

A pained Ou Chen supports her, feeling the shaking of her ice-cold body, vomiting as if she is trying to force out her organs. But yet there is no pain on her face, completely at peace even while she is consumed with vomiting, and this only increases his torment and helplessness.

Her body has already lost its ability to take in food.

No matter what is prepared for her, no matter how much pleading to make her eat, she will only dumbly stare straight ahead of her. And if she is forced to eat, she will only end up expelling everything immediately afterward.

She is frighteningly thin. All day and all night, she remains wide-eyed, as if her body no longer even needs sleep. Only the prescribed sleeping pills help her to go to sleep and it is only because of the drugs that she is still able to maintain her body.

*******

“LOVED BROTHER’S UNFORTUNATE DEATH, YIN XIA MO’S UNSURMOUNTABLE DESPAIR!”

On this day, these headlines clutter every newsstand and storefront, capturing the attention of every single passerby!

Ever since Yin Xia Mo left the entertainment world and married into the wealthy, she has slowly faded from the public eye. Even though some paparazzi had been determined to report about her life after marrying into the Ou family, she was so well-protected by Ou Corporations that they had no way of getting close to her and finally had no other choice but to give up.

With so many new stars appearing on the scene, the media thankfully slowly forgot about her. Until the release of this new headline, bringing Yin Xia Mo back to the forefront of the public eye!

Hua Jin leaked the news that Yin Xia Mo’s twenty-year old brother died nearly two weeks ago. Given the extremely close relationship that Yin Xia Mo had with her brother, she was unable to handle this shock and now suffers from a mental disorder.

Huan Jin also leaked at the same time that according to a trustworthy source, Yin Xia Mo’s marriage to Ou Chen wasn’t because of Ou Corporations’ prestigious background and reputation but because Yin Cheng had needed a kidney then and Ou Chen was coincidentally a match. This marriage is nothing but a business exchange.

The public is completely shocked!

Every single reporter is sent to further investigate the story and Ou mansion becomes completely swarmed by the anxious paparazzi. Even the hospital that Hua Jin mentioned in her report is not neglected as reporters rush there to see if any doctor or nurse has more details.

After a few days of research, the death of Yin Cheng is confirmed and although no hard proof can be found to show that Ou Chen did indeed, donate his kidney to Yin Cheng, reporters surmise that this must also be true.

They are unable to find any evidence in regards to Yin Xia Mo’s mental state and whether she has really progressed to such a debilitating state though. Having surrounded the Ou mansion for several days, the reporters never see Yin Xia Mo appear and have no way of capturing her photo. Reporters also relentlessly dial Yin Xia Mo and her agent’s cell phones but both remain stubbornly turned off.

They are unable to find Ou Chen at the same time. It is as if he has simply gone missing and even standing watch over his mansion has proven useless. Supposedly, it has been a few weeks since he’s appeared at the company, having delegated all matters to his assistants and employees.

According to this, then perhaps Yin Xia Mo’s state isn’t very good after all, if the normally workaholic, CEO Ou Chen hasn’t appeared at his office for so many weeks. The reporters theorize that he may be busy with taking care of his distraught wife.

*******

“How is Xia Mo doing right now?”

Only a small handful of close people know the number to Zhen En’s home. Yao Shu Er and Cai Ni had just called and no longer than a few minutes after getting off the phone with them, Pan Nan called. Hearing the panic in Pan Nan’s voice, Zhen En suddenly doesn’t know how to respond.

Xia Mo… Xia Mo is…

“Is Yin Cheng…” Without waiting for a response, Pan Nan continues on, her voice brittle, “…really dead?”

Zhen En’s hand shakes, her head suddenly flooded by pain. It has already been a month since Xiao Cheng’s passing but yet it every it is mentioned, this wound continues to endlessly bleed.

“… yes.”

Controlling her shaky throat, Zhen En tries her best to project a calm demeanor until she looks up and sees the drawing on the wall. The drawing that Xiao Cheng had given to her when he was still alive. And her eyes instantly redden.

“Then Xia Mo… is Xia Mo…”

Hearing the concern in Pan Nan’s voice, Zhen En’s heart squeezes again, thinking of Xia Mo blankly sitting by the window everyday, her fast disappearing body and paper-white face — and her tears begin to fall again. She had promised Xiao Cheng that she would take good care of Xia Mo but the Xia Mo now…

“Is she doing really bad? Where is she right now? I want to see her!”
“You can’t… Xia Mo doesn’t recognize anyone anymore and she still thinks… that Xiao Cheng’s still alive…”

*******

At the same time. Jie Ni reads the newspaper in shock, her hand shaking as she repeatedly punches in Xia Mo’s number on her phone but all she ever gets is “We’re sorry; the number you have dialed is currently unavailable.” Hesitating for a split second, she then punches in a different number.

In faraway New York, the phone in Luo Xi’s apartment begins to steadily ring.

*******

The winds outside the window are incredibly strong.

Spring has arrived.

The flowers have begun to blossom as the grass becomes a vibrant green and yet the Xia Mo that Zhen En sees everyday remains the same. Xia Mo will peacefully make her rice and chicken wings in the kitchen, call out to Xiao Cheng to eat, and then proceed to place chicken wing after chicken wing into his bowl until it cannot be filled anymore. And then, she would spend the rest of the day in silence.

The only thing that is different is that she is fast becoming skinnier and skinnier, so skinny that that it is shockingly frightening, so skinny that she appears to be a whiff of smoke and a light puff will instantly blow her away.

Ou Chen has asked for a psychologist. But no matter how hard or persuasively the psychologists work with Xia Mo, she only numbly sits there as if she does not hear a word they say, her world separated from the outside by a thick wall.

“You can’t continue on like this!”

Staring at Xia Mo’s sunken eyes and her gaunt figure, Zhen En exclaims again. “You have to wake up! You’ll die if you keep going like this!”

She’ll die…

Some of the chicken sauce had splashed onto Xia Mo’s hand and Ou Chen is currently wiping it carefully off when Zhen En’s words cause his entire body to stiffen coldly! Her hand is icy, icy cold, so light that it is like she is boneless and as he stares at her unfocused gaze, a chilling fear rushes through his heart.

Will she… die…

“Xiao Cheng has already left!”

Zhen En takes Xia Mo by the shoulders, her voice cracking. “Xiao Cheng is… he’s dead! You know how much Xiao Cheng loves you! You know that he wouldn’t be able to bear seeing you like this! Xia Mo, wake up! Xiao Cheng is dead, I know that you’re devastated but you still have to go on living!”

Xia Mo blankly stares at Zhen En. Her eyes are empty and there is an eerie calm about her, as if there is no such thing as sadness or happiness in her life.

“Do you hear what I’m saying, Xia Mo? Xiao Cheng is dead! He’s dead! That day at the hospital, when the doctor said that she could no longer help him, he was dead! He didn’t say he wanted to eat chicken wings, he didn’t say anything to you; when you walked over to his bedside, he was already dead!”

Tears are pouring down Zhen En’s face as she screams desperately at Xia Mo, trying to wake her back up. Even if it causes Xia Mo another moment of pain, she cannot just sit back and watch her just wither away and die!

The sunlight outside the window is vibrant.

Xia Mo swivels her head around to watch the fluttering white curtains in the wind, her eyes and her body motionless.

Zhen En’s cries slowly lose their intensity. It is as if no matter how hard she cries, she is unable to get any sort of response. Xia Mo only quietly sits there, from sunrise to sundown, and from sundown to sunrise. No matter that Ou Chen sits with her throughout that entire time, no matter that Zhen En determinedly tries multiple ways of getting through to her – she will only silently sit by the window in the living room.

On this day, the wooden Xia Mo suddenly starts searching the refrigerator in a mad frenzy, becoming more and more anxious as her a strangled noise seems to come from within deep her throat, her expression of increasing fright and she starts pulling and throwing each item out!

“Chicken wings…” She tosses everything around, her eyes increasingly panicky.
“What did you do?!” Ou Chen looks at Zhen En furiously, as he had seen her busying about in front of the refrigerator this morning and it had originally been stocked with enough chicken wings for Xia Mo to make for days.
“I took the chicken wings away. Look, it’s working, isn’t it? She has some kind of a reaction! This is good, isn’t it?!”

As if trying to cheer herself on, Zhen En takes a few deep breaths and walks over to the dumbed Xia Mo to try again to wake her up.

“Xia Mo, don’t make chicken wings anymore, Xiao Cheng won’t be able to eat them… Xiao Cheng is dead… People in Heaven can’t eat anything from this world…”

Will it work…

Watching Xia Mo’s figure numbly standing in front of the refrigerator, that slightly shaking figure that stretches out a long and black shadow on the ground, the hollowed desperation in Ou Chen’s heart grows bigger, hopelessness and fear filling his entire being. Before he had felt this similar feeling from not being able to have her in the past but next to this desperation now, those old feelings cannot even compare. He would give everything just to have her lucid again.

No matter if it is his fortune, no matter if it is his life, no matter… if it is leaving her forever…

Once he was able to possess her, once she could never leave him, he finally realized… all his selfish and possessive ways of loving her cannot even compare to her being able to live happily.

“Chicken wings… Chicken wings…”

The anxiety on her face growing more apparent, Xia Mo pushes the still-speaking Zhen En aside, her footsteps stomping heavily on the floor as she walks towards the front door, calling out, “Xiao Cheng, you’re hungry, aren’t you… Just wait a moment… Sister is going to go buy some…”

“Xia Mo! Haven’t you heard anything I’ve been saying to you? I’m saying, Xiao Cheng is already dead! Even if you make chicken wings everyday, he’s not going to be able to eat them! Xia Mo, I beg you, please wake up, okay!”

Zhen En clutches at her, her face pleading as tears roll down her face.

“Xia Mo, you’ve always been so strong, so fearless, and unwavering like a solid tree! Wake up, please! Xiao Cheng is no longer here but you still have Ou Chen, you still have me! I swear, I will take care of you like Xiao Cheng would have and forever keep you company! I beg you, Xia Mo, don’t be like this!”

But Xia Mo does not hear anything. She continues to murmur to herself, shoving aside the weeping Zhen En and as she heads for the front door, Ou Chen catches up to her and right as he grabs hold of her, she pushes the doors wide open!

There is someone standing at the entranceway. He most likely had not expected the doors to suddenly open and there is a surprised look on his face, and then he intensely takes her in, his own body weary and fatigued from his long-distance traveling. His hair is slightly longer, his face thinner and as he stares deeply at her, unwaveringly staring at her, the clear hope in his eyes slowly becomes a pitied pain.

Ou Chen freezes. Seeing Luo Xi after such a long time, seeing his old and intense love for her still so obviously present in his eyes, Ou Chen’s hand on Xia Mo stiffens and he slowly lets go.

“Chicken wings…”

Xia Mo’s gaze hurriedly passes over that person currently blocking her path and instinctively reaches out to move him aside; she needs to go to the grocery store to buy chicken wings for Xiao Cheng, his health isn’t very good right now and will get sick if he gets hungry.

“Xia Mo, you can’t go out!”

Zhen En wakes up from her daze from seeing Luo Xi but too occupied to acknowledge him with a greeting, she chases after Xia Mo. Right now all the reporters are debating whether Xia Mo’s mental state is stable or not and if she goes outside and is discovered by them, the reporters will aggressively surround her!

“Chicken wings! Chicken wings!”

Unable to move away from Zhen En’s hands, a crazed expression begins to take shape on Xia Mo’s face and as her breathing becomes heavy and labored, she begins to violently fight back, struggling to get free!

“Okay! I’ll give them to you! I hid them, so I’ll get them for you and you won’t have to go outside…” Zhen En finally surrenders.

Xiao Cheng, I have failed again; I’m too stupid, I’m unable to take good care of Xia Mo and unable to follow through on my promise to you…

The afternoon sunlight splays into the small kitchen.

The clear water is quietly falling down into the sink and Xia Mo’s face has regained her peacefulness as she carefully washes the chicken wings, her fingers going over every inch. Every time she finishes washing a wing, a pair of long hands takes it from her, carefully using a towel to dry the wings before finally placing them in the pot.

Pouring some oil into the pot, she turns on the stove, and watches the oil slowly start to heat. That person gently pulls on a pair of oven mitts for her and then opens a blue container of white sugar for her, placing it in front of her. She quietly scoops a spoon out and places it into the pot.

When the white sugar begins to boil, that man’s long hands pull her slightly away, placing the chicken wings into the pot and then waiting for the sizzling and crackling oil to settle back down before giving her the pot.

Her gaze passes over him. And then she turns her head back down, a blank look in her eyes, and she slowly begins to flip the chicken wings over in the pot. She watches them slowly turn a golden color as the man passes her the soy sauce and then some cold water, and the smells from the pot slowly begin to fill the room.

Watching Luo Xi stand shoulder to shoulder with her, surrounded by the enveloping sunlight, she and Luo Xi seem to have a silent understanding of one another. It is as if Luo Xi can easily know what she is feeling every moment.

Silently watching those two people, Ou Chen suddenly feels his own isolation.

Zhen En uncomfortably stares at Luo Xi as he helps Xia Mo with the cooking, and then uncomfortably stares at Ou Chen.

Luo Xi has lost some weight, adding an even more masculine air to his previous pretty boy image. His face no longer has that old smile playing around on his lips, his ink-black eyes now conveying an unflappable calm.

Ou Chen has also lost a lot of weight. Although his expression has still retained its coolness, although his posture is still forever ramrod-straight, his eyes are pained and the shadow of facial hair left to grow from not having taken care of it for so many days. When Xia Mo does not sleep for days and nights, he also stays awake with her. And his gaze as he intently watches Luo Xi and Xia Mo, suddenly startles Zhen En, as if he has already reached some kind of a decision in his mind.

“Xiao Cheng, time to eat.”

Xia Mo places the dishes on the table, calling out towards Xiao Cheng’s bedroom and then sits back down to quietly wait, waiting for Xiao Cheng to come down, sitting across that empty chair that is already pulled out for him.

A long time passes. The bedroom door remains quietly closed.

No one comes out. And no one sits across from her.

Surprisingly, she does not murmur quietly to the empty chair like she normally does, only quietly placing chicken wing after chicken wing into Xiao Cheng’s bowl. When the bowl becomes completely full, the last chicken wing begins to slide off the pile and is readily caught by a pair of chopsticks.

“Perhaps Xiao Cheng is just tired and wants to eat in his room. I’ll take the food in to him, okay?” Luo Xi carefully stacks that chicken wing back on top of the pile, murmuring softly to her.

Xia Mo slowly raises her head to look at him, as if trying to listen very carefully to what he is saying.

And then after a long time — she numbly nods her head imperceptibly.

Zhen En’s mouth drops open in shock! After such a long time, this is the first time that she has seen Xia Mo have any reaction to something, even if this action is still so very minor.

Afterward, Xia Mo finishes her work for the day. She sits by the window in the living room, her eyes motionless as she stares fixedly out the window, lost in focus. It is not obvious as to what she is thinking about but every now and then, a small smile will flit about on her lips.

Luo Xi sits peacefully by her side.

He does not disturb her. He does not try to say anything to her.

He knows that Xiao Cheng was her life, that in her entire world, Xiao Cheng was her one priority. Perhaps Xiao Cheng was weak, perhaps it seemed like she was the one constantly supporting Xiao Cheng but during the same time that she was supporting him, he became her life’s support.

He understands that feeling. That desperation and emptiness from feeling the entire world collapsing in on you… it will destroy your soul and turn someone completely numbed and emotionless.

The afternoon sunlight slowly becomes early evening, and a light breeze blows through the window to ruffle her hair. As the rays from the sunset enter the living room, Luo Xi places a light blanket over her and after intense staring at her for a moment, slowly stands up.

“May I come see her often?”

Luo Xi’s footsteps pause on his way out the front door as he stops in front of Ou Chen. Ou Chen stares at the peaceful Xia Mo sitting by the window, an especially serene expression on her face and hoarsely responds.

“If you can make her better, then the one who should be leaving is me.”

*******

After that day, Luo Xi visited often.

Sometimes he would bring the freshest chicken wings from the farmer’s market, sometimes he would bring fish, sometimes he would sing songs to Xia Mo, singing “Black Cat and Milk”, singing “Diamond”, singing “Bubble Mermaid”… She would always just numbly sit there and he would continue to warmly sing to her.

But her condition did not improve.

As if her soul had been scattered, she displayed no interest in the outside world, not eating or drinking, her eyes wide open for twenty-four hours and not sleeping at all, her body becoming thinner everyday.

The anxious Zhen En receives a phone call from Cai Ni, who told her that Director Wu is specifically requesting Xia Mo’s participation in the auditioning for his next project. Zhen En was originally going to decline the invitation since Xia Mo is currently in no condition to do any filming. Much to her surprise though, Cai Ni tells her that the project would be worthy of consideration.

Although Zhen En hasn’t spent a lot of time in the entertainment industry, but from the mouths of other old-timers, Director Wu’s name is renowned and worthy of respect. Director Wu is one of the country’s fewest big directors and all his projects have always been stellar and essentially perfect, having won Asia’s Best Director Award and being consistently nominated.

It is every actor’s dream to be able to star in one of Director Wu’s projects and not just because it would open countless opportunities for future projects but also because it is a recognition of the actor’s talent. Director Wu’s next project will be in preparation for a film festival and headed under President Xia’s company; however, he will be choosing actors from the entire Asia as opposed to just President Xia’s company. Actors from Korea and Japan will be personally flying out to meet with Director Wu.

Cai Ni says, that Director Wu was originally not considering Xia Mo, only the recent news about her brother’s death sparking his interest. Director Wu believes that Xia Mo’s present state would make her the perfect candidate for his new female lead. Because this movie happens to talk about a sister and brother’s interdependent lives when the brother passes away from an accident.

“Perhaps this movie will be able move her in some way, and shock her into escaping from the pain of losing a loved one?” Cai Ni’s voice over the phone gives Zhen En pause as she looks over at the dazed Xia Mo sitting by the window.

Xia Mo is frighteningly skinny now. Her already thin body has lost at least ten pounds, and her bones can be readily seen through her wrist and legs, and hollowed eyes that are abnormally huge, her face completely bloodless. Sitting in front of the open window, she gives the impression that she will be easily blown away by the wind.

She has no feeling. Except for when she is making the chicken wings, she does nothing but numbly sitting by the window, her gaze unfocused outside, as if waiting for the last bit of strength in her body to be expended.

“You need to think of something to wake her back up.”

In the afternoon, as the doctor is packing up his needles and supplies, he glances at Xia Mo and somberly tells Ou Chen that if she continues to get her nutrients explicitly through injections, it will significantly harm her body in the long run.

Wake her back up…

That night, Ou Chen uses a spoon to feed her some apple juice that he had personally mixed and lightly brings it to her mouth, hoarsely pleading with her to eat it. She sits woodenly.

“Be good, eat just a little.”

Placing the spoon into her mouth, he watches her blankly swallow the apple juice down. His voice is nervously pleading.

“Swallow it down, don’t spit it back up, Xia Mo…”

WAH—-

She begins to vomit in big mouthfuls, the clear liquid splashing all over herself.

Wake her back up…

Ou Chen helps her to take off her dirty clothes, using a warm towel to gently wipe at her face and hands. In the bathroom, he silently washes her clothes in the sink, using a bar of soap to scrub everything clean as the soap bubbles begin to fill the bathroom.

In the bathroom mirror, he appears wary and dissipated.

Wake her back up…

The middle of the night, she stares out at the night scenery, her body poised in her never-changing posture as Milk curls himself around her feet and she blankly continues to look outside.

Ou Chen watches her in pain.

And then, reaching out with a hand, he pulls her from the chair, her body so light that the slightest pull sends her toppling out. He supports her, wrapping his arm around her paper-thin shoulders and then heads towards Xiao Cheng’s bedroom!

The door opens. Xiao Cheng’s bedroom is as clean as before, his presence still lingering in the room as if he was just sitting up in bed and drawing. In that moment when the door opened, he would raise his hand, a bright smile breaking across his face and calling out happily, “Sister –”

Xia Mo dumbly stares at that empty bed in stilted surprise. She does not understand why Xiao Cheng still isn’t home when it is already so late.

Ou Chen can feel her body slowly turn cold, slowly turning into stone and his heart turning over, he instinctively hugs her closer into his warmth. And then he forces himself to harden his heart, settling Xia Mo down on the bed.

The room is filled with Xiao Cheng’s old drawings.

Oil paintings, watercolors and pencil drawings, some are from a long time ago, some are from when he was living in the hospital, detailed and complex. Some are simple pencil drawings and vary in sizes, some big, some small, all placed neatly in a corner of the room. All of these drawings were gathered by Ou Chen, as he was originally planning on opening Xiao Cheng’s art exhibit.

After Xiao Cheng passed away, her memory seemed to stop only in the past, not returning to her life at Ou mansion after her wedding, and so the drawings came with her to Xiao Cheng’s old room.

“Do you still remember this one?”

It is a small and simple drawing, a young girl with long hair is holding onto the hand of a younger boy, while raising her head to smile at another boy. The drawing is during the fall, a vibrant and red sun enveloping the three people.

The drawing bears signs of age and Ou Chen uses his finger to lightly wipe at it, reminiscing, “Xiao Cheng was seven when he drew this. I thought he was a bit scared of me, not liking it when I was with you but then on my birthday, he gave this drawing to me.”

Xia Mo blankly stares at that drawing.

“Xiao Cheng drew these too.”

Ou Chen pulls out drawing after drawing to show her, each drawing always with her in it, like photographs chronicling her life from when she was very young to now. Some are of her reading a book, some are of her walking on the road, some are of her greeting customers at the bread shop, some are of her cooking.

“Have you noticed…” Ou Chen stares adoringly at each drawing’s depiction of her, softly whispering, “… that no matter which drawing, Xiao Cheng always draws you smiling, vibrantly smiling, as if you have no worries and live happily and simply.”

Drawing after drawing.

The golden sunlight caressing the deep red leaves of the trees, it is when she was calling out to him and Xiao Cheng for dinner, at the same time that she is holding Xiao Cheng’s hand, she is also raising her head to laughing say something to Ou Chen.

In the patient room, while the flowers are deep in blossom outside the window, she is holding a water pot while smiling… Such simple strokes of the pencil, able to depict the creeping smile that is spreading across her face…

Her sitting by the ocean…

Her in the gardens…

In all of Xiao Cheng’s drawings — she is so beautiful that she entrances everyone’s attention.

Because all of them are of her smiling, lightly smiling, teasingly smiling, broadly laughing… Every smile reaches from her mouth to her eyes, just like a flower opening itself to the sun.

“What Xiao Cheng most wanted to see, was your smile.” Pain in his heart, Ou Chen lightly gathers her into his embrace, “If he could see you right now from Heaven, he would want you to live happily, he would want to see a smile always on your face.”

Her body is woodenly numb. Unblinkingly staring at those drawings, as if being held frozen, her body stays stiffened, becoming colder and colder.

“Xia Mo, wake up…”

He tightly holds onto her, trying to use his own warmth to chase her cold away.

“Xiao Cheng is already dead… Xiao Cheng is already dead…”

In that dark night, Ou Chen tightly hugs her, talking to her. To wake her back up, how to wake her back up… If ripping open that bloodied and cruel truth will wake her back up, then no matter how harsh, he will still choose to do it.

But… does she really not know? Perhaps deep within her conscious she does know, but because she is unable to admit to her own weakness, unable to admit to losing Xiao Cheng, so has chosen to close herself deeply away. Will waking her up cause her to be reborn or completely destroy her? But allowing her to continue on like this will only bring about one ending.

“Xiao Cheng is already dead…”

She numbly stares at the drawings scattered all over the bed, the bright colors of all those drawings, all those drawings of her lightly smiling, teasingly smiling and broadly laughing… That statement plays endlessly through her mind like a nightmare that never ends. Her body slowly goes from cold to wooden, from wood to shakes.

Her lips seem to move slightly.

And then she numbly stands up, leaving Ou Chen’s embrace, walking out of Xiao Cheng’s bedroom and out to the living room where the winds are blowing heavily through the open window, the curtains flapping crazily. She does not sit in her chair like she normally does, only leaning heavily against the wall for support and then slowly sliding down to the ground.

Her body is curled up like a little shrimp, constantly shivering.

And she quietly stares out into the night landscape.

She stays in this position for the rest of the night and Ou Chen covers her with a blanket, staying by her side. Through the middle night until dawn, she does not move from her curled position against the wall, looking like an unblinking doll.

The morning sunrise splays across her body.

She does not move an inch.

When lunchtime arrives, she does not go to the kitchen to make her chicken wings, only blankly sitting there, as if enveloped now by an even thicker wall.

Wake her back up… How can he wake her back up…

Ou Chen helplessly closes his eyes, his brain desperately wracking itself for ideas when he suddenly remembers Zhen En telling him of that issue. Was that today? Yes, it is this afternoon.

And he slowly opens his eyes. Staring at her shriveled up against the wall.

His eyes darken and he grimly purses his lips, picking her up in a swift movement and carrying her to the bathroom. He wipes her face clean and clumsily brushes her hair, selecting a dress from her closet for her to wear and then just carries her out the front door!

*******

Auditions for the film, “Hua Jing”.

The main reason for these auditions is to find someone for the female lead and since Director Wu’s works have always been the gem of the entertainment industry, “Hua Jing” is especially warranting high expectations. Almost all reporters have congregated here, each one eager and pushing and shoving to get the best angle of the auditions.

President’s Xia company has thought of every detail, allowing for plenty of personal privacy for the actors to get ready and rest, and also allowing reporters the chance to interview them. Since Director Wu has personally invited five actresses to participate in the auditions, four of them have already arrived in the makeup room.

Shen Qiang arrives in a black cocktail dress, a sharp white jacket over it as she sits demurely in front of the mirror, her assistants anxiously preparing her hair and makeup.

Yao Shu Er nervously sips at her water while looking surreptitiously over at Shen Qiang, knowing that her participation in today’s audition is just to watch the rich people play. Shen Qiang has always claimed the title of queen in the entertainment industry and now having just completed a collaboration with Luo Xi… Additionally, she is represented by President Xia’s company and this film is being financed by them, so no matter how one looks at it, Shen Qiang’s chances far surpass anyone else’s.

But Yao Shu Er does not care because simply participating in “Hua Jing’s” auditions will create new opportunities for projects and publicity. If she does well in today’s audition, perhaps she will have a chance to work with Director Wu in the future. For Director Wu to have invited her to participate in the audition means that he has already recognized her talent.

Hearing the sounds of nearing footsteps, Yao Shu Er turns her head to see Korea’s top actress, Pu Su Ji entering. She smiles at Yao Shu Er, using slightly stilted Chinese to warmly greet her. Yao Shu Er also returns the greeting, mentally marveling at herself for being able to retain such a gracious attitude after dealing with Shen Qiang’s cold front.

No matter if it’s Shen Qiang or the beautiful Pu Su Ji, Yao Shu Er can accept the possibility of losing to either of them. The only thing that makes absolutely no sense to her though is how An Hui Ni managed to appear here!

Yao Shu Er levels a glare over at An Hui Ni. Pu Su Ji is now greeting her and An Hui Ni barely even acknowledges her before addressing the makeup artist.

That woman… She had once used such low methods to hurt Xia Mo and had already been dismissed by the public with no chances of ever reappearing in the entertainment industry – and yet she still has the chance to recover and to participate in today’s auditions. So then the circulating rumors must be true; An Hui Ni used her body to seduce certain powerful businessmen.

“I hear you’re Yin Xia Mo’s friend?”

As if sensing Yao Shu Er’s glare, An Hui Ni places her makeup powder back down onto the table and smirks at her. Yao Shu Er stills, noting the people surrounding them and realizing that having any sort of public conflict with this kind of person would not be a smart thing to do.

“I hear that she’s also invited to today’s audition,” An Hui Ni says in fake surprise, “since you’re her friend, then do you think she’ll come?”
“An Hui Ni, I haven’t seen you for so long and yet you haven’t changed at all.” Yao Shu Er’s smile is warm.
“Really? I’m actually afraid that I’m getting old!” An Hui Ni studies her reflection thoughtfully, as if not hearing the ulterior meaning in Yao Shu Er’s words. She then sighs deeply and continues on in a pitying voice. “Too bad that Yin Xia Mo isn’t the same as before though. I hear her little brother died and she went crazy. What a great actress, she can so easily turn black into white so how could she just lose her mind? I would love to see her again…”

An Hui Ni’s voice fades away as a sudden disturbance takes everyone’s attention. The rumbling noise is growing in intensity as it seems like all the reporters have suddenly just rushed together like a gigantic wave of noise like an explosion and yet nothing can be heard clearly.

Director Wu has arrived! An Hui Ni cleverly stops provoking Yao Shu Er, returning her attention to the mirror as she hurriedly brushes her hair, a respectful smile painted on her face and a reverent light in her eyes when the doors to the makeup room burst open –

“Director Wu!”

After seeing the person in the doorway though, An Hui Ni’s smile freezes solid on her face. That person is wearing a white dress and is being gently supported by Ou Hua Corporations’ little shareholder. She has long, wavy black hair, frighteningly thin and yet also shockingly beautiful.

That person is — Yin Xia Mo!

Chapter 14

“Xia Mo!”

Yao Shu Er runs over to her in surprise. She hasn’t seen Xia Mo since her wedding and when the news about Xia Mo’s possible mental instability from her brother’s death surfaced, she had called Zhen En in concern, who had hemmed and hawed about not really knowing the situation.

Although she had somewhat prepared herself, Yao Shu Er is still unable to contain her shock at seeing such a deathly thin Xia Mo. Additionally, Xia Mo’s eyes are unfocused as if she cannot see anything and startled, Yao Shu Er waves her hand in front of Xia Mo’s face.

“Please move.” Ou Chen’s voice is tense. Had he not remembered that Xia Mo had invited this woman to their wedding, he would have already broken that hand.

“Oh, sorry, I was just…”

Yao Shu Er awkwardly comes back to her senses and hurriedly moves to the side, staring at the expressionless Ou Chen as he passes by while supporting Xia Mo.

The sudden burst of laughter comes from An Hui Ni as she smugly watches the embarrassed Yao Shu Er and then looks towards Ou Chen as he helps Yin Xia Mo into a chair. When she had first caught a glimpse of Yin Xia Mo, she had been startled and bitter, and filled with a strange fear.

But… this unstable Yin Xia Mo cannot even be her match!

“Does Xia Mo need some makeup applied, my artist is here, she could help Xia Mo…” Seeing that the quiet Xia Mo is currently wearing no makeup, An Hui Ni briefly hesitates before walking over to them, trying to make up for her lack of manners.

“There’s no need…” Ou Chen stares adoringly at the doll-like Xia Mo, his gaze only seeing her and no one else, his quiet voice heard by everyone else in the unusually quiet makeup room, “…she already looks beautiful as she is.”
“Yes, yes…”

On the other side of the room, Shen Qiang levels a measuring glance at Xia Mo before turning her head back, her face resuming its normally cool expression. Pu Si Ji doesn’t seem to know what exactly just happened and she quickly says something in Korean to her assistant, as if realizing that Xia Mo’s state is off somehow and thus does not know whether she should go over there and greet her.

At this time, there is a loud commotion outside the room and the doors burst open – Director Wu walks into the room, closely followed by “Innocent Love Song’s” producer, Zhong Ya! An Hui Ni rushes over to greet Director Wu, followed by both Pu Su Ni and Yao Shu Er. Even Shen Qiang stands up to smile at him as the atmosphere in the room quickly livens up!

Director Wu casually nods his head in acknowledgement as some members of his crew follow him across to the conference room, leaving some others to explain the upcoming schedule and logistics –

“Everyone, please start getting ready; you’ll be prepped by Producer Zhong Ya in five minutes and auditions will then commence. We ask all assistants and other members to wait here.”

So An Hui Ni, Pu Su Ji and Shen Qiang all entered the conference room while their assistants are left to wait for them.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of Xia Mo.” Yao Shu Er warmly supports Xia Mo back up as she addresses Ou Chen. Ou Chen lightly caresses Xia Mo’s hair, watching as she disappears behind the doors.

*******

“The film is about a sister and brother, whose parents both died when they were young and the little brother is a well-known painter…”

As Zhong Ya explains the film’s story, she measures each female star. Shen Qiang is not the most suitable for the female lead role as the film’s sister carries a strong front but a vulnerable heart while Shen Qiang’s coolness seems to emit from her very core. But since Director Wu invited her to participate in the audition, then perhaps her acting skills are enough to make up for this divide.

Yao Shu Er, Pu Su Ji and An Hui Ni all appear to be warm-hearted and vulnerable girls but both Yao Shu Er and Pu Su Ji’s warmness carries an additional element that is not fitting to the character. Looking at An Hui Ni, Zhong Ya wrinkles her forehead, always feeling that behind An Hui Ni’s warm smile lurks something that really does not impress her. The outer appearance of these three all better fit the lead character but yet there is still a feeling missing from them.

As for Yin Xia Mo… She has really lost weight since filming “Innocent Love Song” and Zhong Ya was shocked by the change. But although she is a lot skinnier than before, she still has retained that frightening beauty and that beauty seems to all originate from a type of hopelessness. If Yin Xia Mo’s beauty had kept people at a distance before, one can only say that the quiet her now invokes a feeling of pained sympathy.

But now it does look like there is something mentally wrong with Yin Xia Mo… Zhong Ya stares at her hesitatingly; can she still film in such a condition?

“Although the siblings’ lives were hard, they were very happy together. Little brother, Xiao Cheng [the character's name is 小成 as opposed to 小澄 but both names sound phonetically the same] is about to open his own art exhibit, and that late night he is walking through the market to pick up his sister, Ah Jie, from her night shift when he unfortunately runs into robbers…”

Zhong Ya carefully explains from the script’s lines. Everyone in the room is quiet, and although Yin Xia Mo is the only one who has not read the script yet, they all listen attentively.

Xiao Cheng…

Art exhibit…

Those words flutter through the room. Xia Mo’s entire body is bathed in sunlight as a golden yellow reflects off her hair, and she does not move a muscle as if struggling to listen to something and yet not hearing anything at all.

………………………………

“If I have a chance to have my own exhibit, I don’t want that many people to come, because the majority of those paintings were specifically drawn only for you, Sister.”

…………………..

…………

“… Xiao Cheng is lying in a puddle of blood, fresh blood covering the paintings lying next to his body in a vibrant red as Ah Jie cradles his blood-soaked body in her arms, painfully crying for help…”

………………………………

PING!

Xiao Cheng’s body bounces straight up.

“More voltage!”
PING!!

Xiao Cheng’s body again bounces straight up and then falls limply back down.

“More voltage!”
PING!!!

Just like before, Xiao Cheng’s body bounces straight up and then thuds heavily back down, the heart monitor emitting a continuous, streaming beep, and a straight line…

“… I’m sorry but we did our best…”

…………………………..

In that sunlit and quiet room, Yao Shu Er suddenly feels that something is amiss and turns her head, and is taken aback! It is a quietly shivering Xia Mo, her pallor that of a sickened patient, her entire body shaking as if she is caught outside in the frigid cold air, as if she is caught deep in the throes of a horrible nightmare and struggling between consciousness…

“… Ah Jie is unable to accept the death of her little brother, and she stares, day in and day out, at those blood-covered paintings. She continues to believe that Xiao Cheng is not dead, that he’s still alive…”

………………….

“Do you hear what I’m saying, Xia Mo? Xiao Cheng is dead! He’s dead! That day at the hospital, when the doctor said that she could no longer help him, he was dead! He didn’t say he wanted to eat chicken wings, he didn’t say anything to you; when you walked over to his bedside, he was already dead!”

………

“Xiao Cheng is already dead…”

……..

“Xia Mo! Haven’t you heard anything I’ve been saying to you? I’m saying, Xiao Cheng is already dead! Even if you make chicken wings everyday, he’s not going to be able to eat them! Xia Mo, I beg you, please wake up, okay!”

………

“Xiao Cheng is already dead…”

…….

“What Xiao Cheng most wanted to see, was your smile.” Pain in his heart, Ou Chen lightly gathers her into his embrace, “If he could see you right now from Heaven, he would want you to live happily, he would want to see a smile always on your face.”

…….

“Xiao Cheng is already dead…”

………………………

……………..

Zhong Ya finishes reading from the script, and slowly, as if drawn by some external force, everyone’s gazes unconsciously falls in the same direction — in that sunlit corner of the room, Yin Xia Mo sits shivering with her eyes closed as a single tear slides down her face.

“Miss Yin!” Zhong Ya begins to call out in concern but is stopped by Director Wu.
“Don’t disturb her…” Director Wu studies the tears on her face and says satisfactorily, “Amazing. She only had to hear the script to become fully immersed in the story.”

The tears slide quietly down Yin Xia Mo’s face. It is like she has suddenly just collapsed, as if she is caught in a hopeless dream as the tears roll endlessly down her face, quietly falling down her face onto the conference table, each teardrop becoming a splash of pain as she tightly scrunches her eyes, her body continuing to shake.

Everyone’s gaze is on Yin Xia Mo.

After hearing Director Wu’s praise, some gazes became appreciative, some sour and some bitter, while An Hui Ni’s eyes only become more filled with a raging and jealous poison!

Yin Xia Mo does not notice any of this. She only continues to cry, as if her entire life is only filled with tears.

Until Zhong Ya finishes explaining the film’s plot and the rest of the crew fills them in on the audition details, and Director Wu leaves to go to the next room – and Yin Xia Mo has not moved from her original position.

Her tears have been completely used up. Her wet eyelashes are tightly closed against that white face.

“Xia Mo, here’s the script.” Her heart conflicted, Yao Shu Er places the script in front of Xia Mo but then thinking over it, realizes that the little brother in the story has a phonetically-same name to Xiao Cheng’s. Perhaps this is fate. Regardless if Xia Mo expresses nothing, this female lead role will still never be hers.

“What a show.” An Hui Ni slowly saunters over to them. She had already memorized the entire script by heart, so there is no reason for her to do any more last-minute practice. Seeing the tearstains on Yin Xia Mo’s face, the hate in An Hui Ni’s heart only increases. Yin Xia Mo must be her curse. This chance had been so hard for her to come by and after learning that Director Wu would not favor Shen Qiang specifically because of her representing company, she had done everything to get her hands on the script, hoping to become one of Director Wu’s prized actors and then reclaiming her status!

But who would have thought… that Yin Xia Mo was only faking her craziness, causing An Hui Ni to underestimate her!

“You really know how to act; you can just turn on your tears like a water faucet. What? Are you still acting? Too bad that Director Wu has already left and can’t see it!”

Pu Su Ji is the first one to audition and she glances over at them but does not understand what is being said and so walks out of the room towards the room across the hall. Shen Qiang pays no mind to them and concentrates on her script.

“An Hui Ni, can you not talk so much?” Yao Shu Er crinkles her forehead; no one is unaware of Xia Mo losing her brother and it is obvious that she just got caught in her emotions.
“Wow, you’re still speaking on her behalf? I remember she used to be your assistant and accompanied you to audition for the Lei Ou commercial, and then simply stole the opportunity that originally belonged to you! Don’t you remember? Or is it because her career is stable now and she’s hooked up with Ou Hua Corporations’ little heir that you’re suddenly so “gracious” and “loyal” to her!”
“You…” Yao Shu Er’s face turns red and white.

An Hui Ni’s attention turns to Yin Xia Mo, hatred burning in her eyes. What dead little brother – she doesn’t believe that this woman would go crazy just because of her brother dying! Yin Xia Mo only wants to steal the media spotlight and is actually daring to play this game in front of her! And how dare she pretend to be all pitiful and pathetic in front of Director Wu!

“Yin Xia Mo! Stop faking! Come fight me for real! Pretending to simper and cry while listening to the script, pretending to be so immersed in the story! And then tricking Director Wu into thinking that you are actually suited for this role! Are these underhanded tricks all you’ve got?!”

An Hui Ni is positively stewing in her anger and she is only further enraged when she sees that Yin Xia Mo does not react to her words. Leaning in right next to her, An Hui Ni spits each word out. “Just keep acting! Karma will eventually happen to a vapid woman like you! Wait, that’s not right; your karma already happened! Do you know why your little brother died at such a young age? It’s because God is punishing you!”

Xia Mo’s eyes suddenly snap wide open!

“An Hui Ni!” Yao Shu Er interrupts An Hui Ni as she looks uneasily towards the other conference room and then back at the pale Xia Mo.
“Well said.” Shen Qiang sets down her script and stands up. “Since you’re here to participate in the auditions, then that’s where you should be actually showing your talent. Don’t you think it’s rather meaningless to be yelling about such useless things here?”

Having said her piece, Shen Qiang walks out coolly as she is the second person to audition.

An Hui Ni levels a stare at Shen Qiang’s departing back, finally lets out a rushed breath of air and then returns back to her original spot, opening the script back again. That’s right, the most important thing right now is the result of the auditions; if Yin Xia Mo thinks that she’ll be able to beat her with such paltry acting skills then she’s got another thing coming to her!

Isn’t it just crying? An Hui Ni laughs smugly to herself; she used to be the Jade Girl of the entertainment world! There’s no way her crying skills would be worse than anyone else’s. Yin Xia Mo’s mediocre talent does not even make her worthy of scrubbing her shoes!

*******

“I wonder if the auditions have started…”

In the makeup room, the assistants quietly murmur to one another. Since following the actors to so many various events, they’ve long become accustomed to such situations. The only thing is, this time around, they are going out of their way to keep their conversations subdued since there is another man in the room.

He looks like the young heir to Ou Hua Corporations.

He’s really hot.

Even though he looks kind of serious, he’s got such class, and with those green eyes… he is definitely yummy.

While fervently discussing the audition progress of the actors, the assistants continue to sneak glances over at the oblivious Ou Chen. Ou Chen sits quietly as if he has no care for his surroundings but then every now and then, his forehead would suddenly wrinkle up in concentration, as if trying to hear what noises are coming from the conference room.

The assistants now just realize that someone seems to be speaking really loudly from the conference room, almost as if yelling. Their curiosity piqued, An Hui Ni’s assistant actually rushes to the doorway and stealthily pulls it open a few inches to peek outside.

The yelling seems to have stopped and the assistants only see An Hui Ni suddenly leave Yin Xia Mo’s side.

“Did Pu Su Ji already audition…”
“Yes, Shen Qiang has gone too…”
“Who’s next then…”
“Is it Yao Shu Er or An Hui Ni…”
“Yin Xia Mo should be last. There’s something not really normal about her expression…”
“Ssh!”

One of the assistants makes a face and the others hurriedly stop talking. Glancing over at Ou Chen, he does not appear to have heard anything, only quietly standing in the spot which Yin Xia Mo had previously left, staring through the halfway opened door to watch her figure in the other room.

In that sunlit room, her hair falls carelessly down the sides of her face, emphasizing how gaunt and white it has become  while her eyes seem red and swollen.

She has cried… Ou Chen’s heart squeezes as he instinctively begins to make his way over to her.

But, her eyes…

His breathing stills for even though they are separated by such a divide, he suddenly has this strange feeling that her eyes no longer carry that extreme expression of lost and and distance…

“It’s probably Yao Shu Er’s turn…”

As a way to pass the time, the assistants begin to guess who will be walking out of the conference room next. The clock on the wall ticks by.

Ou Chen watches her as she sits by herself at the table, her pale face staring straight ahead of her, the script lying untouched on the table.

*******

Auditions.

Director Wu, Zhong Ya and the other crew members watch as the actresses take turns performing the same scene. Pu Su Ji carries the natural grace that all Korean actors seem to possess, flowing with the emotions of the scene; Shen Qiang’s carries her own unique style of performance, a strong and cold front yet carrying just a tinge of vulnerability; Yao Shu Er seems to have a great handle on the lead character’s warmth, tears shimmering in her eyes and able to invoke strong stirrings of empathy and caring.

Each person has her own uniqueness. It is hard to determine who should be scored higher.

Zhong Ya begins to more appreciate Director Wu’s eye; every single person he has chosen each has her own valid strength for the role. It is no wonder that every one of his projects is always such a success. Realizing this, Zhong Ya looks towards the entering An Hui Ni; perhaps Director Wu has his own reasons for selecting her to participate.

The camera zooms in on An Hui Ni. She quietly stares off into a distance, a clear emotion beginning to simmer in her eyes as two teardrops slowly roll down her face. And then these two teardrops become many more as they begin to rush down from her eyes and she cries out brokenly -

“Xiao Cheng!”

Her face is completely covered in tears as she cries devastatingly, the strength of her cries emitting from deep within her body as she wails heartbreakingly.

“Xiao Cheng, don’t leave!”

Her hand stretched out mid-air, An Hui Ni seems to try to grasp at something as her tears flow like the river, her cries slowly becoming noiseless, hopelessly crying, crying as if the world was going to be completely destroyed!

“Xiao Cheng —!”

An Hui Ni’s desperate cries echo throughout the room and into the hallway! Those cries enter the neighboring conference room and Xia Mo sits up straight in shock!

Xiao Cheng… someone is calling Xiao Cheng’s name…

She looks around her in confusion but there’s nothing here… who’s calling Xiao Cheng, where is Xiao Cheng… She numbly makes her way towards the sound of those cries.

“OK!” Director Wu holds up his hand to call a stop to the audition.

Zhong Ya studies the tear-stained face of An Hui Ni in surprise, impressed by the ease and intensity of her crying skills. Even though she does not admire the things that An Hui Ni has done in the past, she cannot help but admire her skills as an actor.

Although she cannot glean any sort of reaction to her performance from Director Wu’s expression, the expressions of everyone else in the room fills An Hui Ni with glee! Before she even has time to take her seat though, the doors to the room open wide and she coolly stares at the entering Yin Xia Mo. Ha, she really cannot wait to see what Yin Xia Mo can do to be better than her at this audition. There’s just no way Yin Xia Mo can cry better than her; this role is going to be hers!

Xia Mo quietly walks into the room, a slightly panicked look in her eyes as she looks around her, as if searching for something. In the afternoon sunlight, her white dress sways lightly back and forth with her steps, making her entire self seem invisible, her soul also invisible.

“Miss Yin, you may begin!”

After a long pregnant pause in which Xia Mo has no inclination of beginning her performance, Director Wu wrinkles his forehead and the assistant director calls out to her in embarrassment. An Hui Ni’s mouth curves into a smug smile.

She can’t hear anything.

Xia Mo stands there numbly. Her eyes fall to the the pot of flowers at the window.

A long, long time ago, Zhen En had carried a similar pot of flowers to place at the window of Xiao Cheng’s hospital room… But… he was always in a coma… he didn’t wake up…

He never saw those flowers…

That’s not right… he did wake up…

Why do they all keep saying he’s dead, he’s obviously still alive! She heard him! In that chaotic and death-filled moment, she had heard him breathing! She had walked to his bedside and in that instant, she had heard his heartbeat and his breaths!

………………….

“Sister…”
“Xiao Cheng!”
“How could I die? I promised you, I would be with Sister forever, and I would never leave your side…”
“Yes, I remember, so I didn’t let them trick me.” Her finger lightly traces his face. “You see, Sister didn’t cry, Sister didn’t fall for it…”

……………………………….

Xiao Cheng didn’t die… Xiao Cheng wouldn’t leave her…

……………….

“Sister…” Xiao Cheng’s smile is bright and exuberant as he clings onto her hand like a child. “I won’t die, I can’t bear to leave you.”

………..

“Sister, I’ll be with you forever…”

………………………

“Xiao Cheng…” She knows, she knows that Xiao Cheng wouldn’t leave her. She has no mom in this world, she only has Xiao Cheng and he wouldn’t so cruelly leave her behind…

………………………

“Do you hear what I’m saying, Xia Mo? Xiao Cheng is dead! He’s dead! That day at the hospital, when the doctor said that she could no longer help him, he was dead! He didn’t say he wanted to eat chicken wings, he didn’t say anything to you; when you walked over to his bedside, he was already dead!”

………………………

The flowers by the window are so bright that they are blinding to the eye.

It is like her blood is all rushing to her ears and she has become deaf to the world, and her body becomes consumed by chilling shakes… and then shattered into millions of pieces and blowing away in the wind.

He’s dead… is he really…

That’s why even though she makes chicken wings everyday, really good chicken wings everyday, he never comes out of his room to have a bite even though she relentlessly calls out to him…

He’s dead… is he really…

Because regardless of whether or not she does a good job of making them, he would always smile so happily, swallowing everything with a hearty appetite, praising her for making the world’s most delicious food…

“Xiao Cheng…” A flood of tears simmer in her eyes.

Xiao Cheng is dead, Xiao Cheng is dead, why is she still alive, why would Xiao Cheng also lie to her! Why did Mommy leave her alone, why did Yin Daddy and Yin Mommy leave her alone, why even now, Xiao Cheng has to leave her alone!

Why didn’t she die too? Why is she the only one left living!

Tears brim at the edge of her eyes, ready to rush forward from deep within her body!

And then she remembers all those paintings, every one that Xiao Cheng made just for her…

Those tears boil in her eyes, her eyelids soaking wet but not a single one falls as she ruthlessly holds them in… not a single teardrop will fall…

………………………..

“Have you noticed… that no matter which drawing, Xiao Cheng always draws you smiling, vibrantly smiling, as if you have no worries and live happily and simply.”

…………

“What Xiao Cheng most wanted to see, was your smile. If he could see you right now from Heaven, he would want you to live happily, he would want to see a smile always on your face.”

………………………

There is not a sound in the conference room.

Zhong Ya stares breathlessly at Xia Mo’s image in the camera, only coming to with a gasp of shock when she realizes that tears of wrenching pain have covered her face.

What’s wrong with her… Xia Mo hadn’t even cried, only standing there with a numbed expression on her face, the most simplest of actions and what murmuring of the scripted words weren’t even that clear and yet…

Looking around her, Zhong Ya is taken aback to see that essentially everyone else has the exact same reaction as her.

Even though Yin Xia Mo did not let out a single tear, everyone who watched her felt the same joy, shattered illusion, hopelessness, and the most vulnerable warmth hidden underneath that surface of courage…

A long moment later, Director Wu walks over to Xia Mo. “Very good, you are very suited to this role.”

An Hui Ni cannot believe her ears as she fires a hatred-filled glare at Yin Xia Mo!

Xia Mo continues to quietly stand there, as if she has not yet emerged from the story. At this time, the crew members begin to chatter excitedly amongst themselves, endlessly praising Xia Mo’s stellar performance. Pu Su Ji walks over to Xia Mo, a smile on her face as she congratulates her in stilted Chinese. However, she pauses awkwardly when Xia Mo does not give any response and so takes her leave of Director Wu. Shen Qiang briefly looks over at Xia Mo, not saying a word and then also takes her leave.

“Xia Mo, you are simply amazing; you brought out the feeling of the film’s sister perfectly!” Since the filming of “Innocent Love Song,” this calm – almost to the extent of being cold – girl had already left a deep impression on Zhong Ya.

“It’s only because her brother just died.”

A voice filled with bitterness rings through the room as An Hui Ni stalks up to Xia Mo, her eyes raking carelessly over before turning to Zhong Ya with a smug smile on her face. “Producer Zhong Ya, if the story you wrote is about a girl who goes psycho after her little brother dies, then of course she would be perfect for it! Actually, she doesn’t even have to actually act; why, having Miss Yin Xia Mo as herself is enough already!”

Zhong Ya wrinkles her forehead in surprise and looks at the still-quiet Xia Mo. Although she really doesn’t care for An Hui Ni’s hidden meaning, but it could it possibly be true?

“Miss Yin…” Director Wu raises his voice to catch Xia Mo’s attention.
“She can’t hear you; she’s already gone completely crazy!” Shrieking with laughter, a crazed fire dancing in her eyes, An Hui Ni waves her hand back and forth in front of Xia Mo’s face, as if pretending to play a joke on her.

“Hey, this is an audition; how come the nurses at the asylum didn’t do a better job of watching you and allowed you to escape? Why, weren’t you giving a stellar performance just now? How come you can’t even say a word now?! Hey, look here, look here; do you even remember who I am?”

Just as An Hui Ni is giving her most smug laugh, a tall figure stands in front of Xia Mo, protectively pulling her behind. That man levels a stare down at An Hui Ni, a threatening vibrating in his voice.

“An Hui Ni, it appears that the price you paid in the past was far too low.”

It is Ou Chen… The icy calmness in his eyes causes An Hui Ni to unconsciously take a step backward, aghast. It is this man who had ruined the career that she had earned and fought so hard to establish! Otherwise given her reputation, she would never have fallen to a state in which she couldn’t even get a single film opportunity! She had once thought that she would portray just a small little role but she was actually denied by all of them, who had secretly implied that they could not afford to offend Ou Hua Corporations.

It was only because of her newfound reliance on a rich businessman that she was able to get an inkling of a chance back. As much as she despises Yin Xia Mo though, even An Hui Ni knows that further angering Ou Chen would be sheer stupidity, and so she can only close her mouth in anger.

“Xia Mo, let’s go.” Ou Chen lowers his head to Xia Mo, studying her tear-stained face with pain in his heart.

She cried! She actually cried!

Perhaps, bringing her to the audition was the right thing to do. She finally had some kind of a reaction as opposed to completely shutting herself off. But, why did she cry? Because of the script or because she was being humiliated?

Remembering this, he looks back levelly at the ashen An Hui Ni!

“Please wait a minute.” Director Wu’s gaze does not leave the ever-quiet Xia Mo. “Miss Yin, I really admire your performance just now. Would you be interested in taking on the female lead?”
“She just auditioned?” Ou Chen is startled. Xia Mo was able to come in and audition like usual?
“Yes, and it was simply brilliant.” Zhong Ya pipes in.
“Xia Mo…”

A rush of indescribable emotion surges through Ou Chen, momentarily halting his breath. His right hand squeezes Xia Mo’s shoulder as a way of proving to himself that this isn’t all just a dream. Finally, when he has calmed himself down again, he quietly asks her.

“Do you want this role?”

Everyone in the room waits for Xia Mo’s answer. Although An Hui Ni glares daggers at her, she does not say a word. Xia Mo quietly stares at the pot of blooming flowers by the window, as if she does not hear anything.

“The little brother in the film is called Xiao Cheng.” The forgotten Yao Shu Er addresses Xia Mo warmly. When Xia Mo was auditioning, only she knew that Xia Mo was calling out “Xiao Cheng” (小澄) and not “Xiao Cheng” (小成).

“This Xiao Cheng, also really likes to draw, and has an older sister just like you who loves him very much. Xia Mo, I think, perhaps Xiao Cheng wants you to do this film… Also, the sister and brother have a very happy ending in the film…”

A light breeze seems to come through the window, ruffling the petals of those flowers, as if they are laughing and nodding their heads. Xia Mo’s eyebrows seem to move just a bit and then after a long time, she repeats that same motion — and nods her head imperceptibly.

******

Xia Mo has actually accepted the lead female role of “Hua Jing”!

Zhen En could barely contain herself when she initially heard the news! The Xia Mo who had completely closed herself off from the world, expressing no interest in anything, would suddenly accept a new film? And it was Xia Mo herself, nodding her head in acceptance!

But, Zhen En is taken aback when she finally sees the script; the little brother is actually called “Xiao Cheng”, also likes to draw and also passed away at a young age. The film is of a paternal cousin [in Chinese custom/language, cousins who share the same last name are considered as close as siblings; although this Xiao Cheng is the younger cousin of the female lead, he is regarded just like a little brother] whose sister closes herself off from the world after his death, only numbly staring at the paintings that he has left behind. Until one day, she is somehow able to mysteriously enter those paintings, returning to the past and seeing her brother again. In the world within the paintings, they live together forever…

It is because of this story that Xia Mo agreed to do the movie… Seeing the happy ending to the storyline, tears lightly fall down Zhen En’s face.

Since news of Xia Mo taking on “Hua Jing” as her next project has been released, the entertainment world has been buzzing as the media have all expressed great interest in this tidbit, speculating crazily about the story –

What is going on with Yin Xia Mo mental state right now, why would Director Wu pass over Shen Qiang and Pu Su Ji, two rising and established starlets just for Yin Xia Mo, who’s only had one series under her name? How could the young heir to Ou Hua Corporations allow his new wife to reenter the entertainment industry again, has their young marriage already begun to encounter problems? Various theories and guesses all connected to Yin Xia Mo’s name flutter throughout the media like a wildfire, becoming the headline for every news report!

And then — and even more startling news piece! “Hua Jing’s” publicity announces that the lead male role has already been given to the recently-returned from America, king of stars, Luo Xi!

Luo Xi’s fans go wild and all converge in front of his representing studio to scream and chant their support, endlessly showering Luo Xi with gifts and flowers and netizens post their adoration and love on discussion boards.

However, the most important question to the media is why Luo Xi would accept the role in “Hua Jing”. Does his addition have anything to do with Yin Xia Mo, are the two ex-lovers getting back together or is it because Yin Xia Mo’s marriage is in a rocky spot, using filming as an excuse to get away from it while Luo Xi can now use their collaboration as a way of comforting her?

When Zhen En finds out about Luo Xi’s involvement in “Hua Jing,” she is seized by a twinge of nervousness. According to Ou Chen’s past behavior and personality, there is simply no way he would allow Luo Xi and Xia Mo to interact alone. Although Ou Chen has allowed Luo Xi to consistently visit Xia Mo during this time, but there are bound to be some instances during filming when the two may need to have a more intimate interaction…

Will Ou Chen stop Xia Mo from filming?

But, since accepting “Hua Jing”, Xia Mo seems to have slowly gotten better; she no longer sits mindlessly by the window everyday but will solemnly study her script. Following the turning of each page, her expression will change accordingly from joy to sadness, as if she now has a new life meaning, and now has immersed herself in the story as opposed to her former, isolated world.

If Ou Chen stops her from filming, will she go back to how she was before?

But, Zhen En’s worry seems to pointless as Ou Chen does not seem to mind Luo Xi’s involvement at all, and he still continues to delegate his work to his employees, staying by Xia Mo’s side everyday and even learning how to make dinners for her.

*******

The first day of filming for “Hua Jing”.

The early morning sunlight shines onto Xia Mo, her script book lying in her lap. Ou Chen walks out of the kitchen, the aroma of freshly-made breakfast wafting through the air. Placing the bottle of warmed milk in front of her first, he begins to assemble a sandwich for her, placing the crisply fried egg on top of the bread, some slices of ham, tomato and lettuce and then carefully bringing the completed sandwich to Xia Mo’s lips.

“Xia Mo, eat something, okay? You may be filming for awhile today…” Ou Chen patiently tries to persuade her, bringing the sandwich a little bit closer, “… if you don’t eat something, you won’t have any strength, what if you pass out during the middle of filming…”

“Just a little bit… come on…”

“The egg smells really good, you should try it…” The hand holding the sandwich has blisters from the splashing of hot oil… who knows how many eggs had to be fried in order to get this one perfect, golden result.

She stares at those blisters.

Xia Mo’s eyebrows wrinkle slightly and slowly, her gaze moves warmly upward towards Ou Chen, the lightest flickering of emotion in her eyes. And then, she takes a a bite of the sandwich from his hand, slowly chewing it, and then, slowly swallowing it down.

Because of nerves, Ou Chen’s hand had become stiff and frozen.

She didn’t spit it out! She didn’t spit it back out after eating it!

Ecstatic joy seizes him, and unable to pay more mind to whether or not he had just imagined her looking at him just then, he holds the milk up to her lips, trying to coax her to drink some. Like a miracle, she drinks the milk, and eats a few more bites of the sandwich. Although it is still very little, it is enough to send him into fits of happiness.

After cleaning up breakfast, Ou Chen places her script into her bag, helping her to put on her jacket and then driving her to the studio. His mood is so good that a small smile continuously dances around the corners of his mouth during the drive.

Zhen En is still worried though. Can Xia Mo still film in her condition? Can she remember her lines, can she hold up her own under such pressure and in front of so many people?

*******

The cameras are rolling.

It is the middle of the night, and Xia Mo stands at the edge of the marketplace, looking out expectantly – it is a bright-eyed and smiling Luo Xi as as he appears at the entranceway, calling out to her, his arms full of the paintings that he will soon be displaying at the exhibit.

The camera zooms in on Xia Mo’s face.

Her smile is full and brilliant as she stares at Luo Xi, like he is the world’s most precious treasure, her eyes alight with pure happiness and joy…

*******

The ground is covered in blood.

Xia Mo cradles Luo Xi in horror, blood flowing from the bullet hole in his chest as she cries out hoarsely for help, crazed tears dripping down from her face onto Luo Xi’s own face. She tries to staunch the bleeding from his chest with her own hands, her body beginning to tremble in desperation, her throat becoming scratched from her terrified and helpless cries…

*******

Zhen En stands off to the side, watching those six, seven cameras surrounding Xia Mo. The present Xia Mo is like the day that Xiao Cheng passed away, her broken gaze looking everywhere. Every emotion in her tears, in her laughter, are all deeply immersed in the story – every smile, every teardrop is completely moving.

Perhaps Xia Mo will get better?

Zhen En quietly prays, praying to the Xiao Cheng in Heaven that he created this film for Xia Mo and that this will be her turning opportunity to finally heal.

“OK!”

But it seems that Zhen En’s prayers do not result in anything because the instant that Director Wu calls a stop to the filming and the lights lower, the light in Xia Mo’s own eyes instantly dim.

She quietly returns to her spot on the side and waits for her next scene to be called.

It is as if Xia Mo has returned to her own little world, unaware of the ever-present Ou Chen by her side, unaware of the silently attentive Luo Xi. She only lowers her head into the script, such a short amount of time, and the script book has already become dog-eared and worn.

*******

Day by day.

Xia Mo essentially has become two different people, the Xia Mo who completely immerses herself in the film and then the Xia Mo who becomes closed off and isolated. Somehow, this Xia Mo actually causes Zhen En to worry even more.

Zhen En has a creeping fear that because Xia Mo is putting her entire life’s effort and meaning into this film, what will happen when filming has completed…

Zhen En does not dare to reveal her own fears to Ou Chen.

Ou Chen has long stopped being the cold and arrogant Young Master Ou Chen, and while his increasing weight loss is surprising, what is even more surprising is his increased warmth. Taking on all of Xia Mo’s daily tasks, he is so thoughtful to even take care of her nails for her. And when Xia Mo quietly sinks into her own world, Ou Chen also quietly watches her, as if his life is now connected to hers and when her spirit disappears, his also follows suit.

The days go by one at a time. Due to the constant protection by Ou Hua Corporations in fending off noisy reporters and curious onlookers, “Hua Jing’s” filming progresses rather smoothly and peacefully.

“OK! Very good!”

Director Wu’s voice is the only one that rings on set. After hearing that this scene has successfully finished, the film crew get ready to prepare for the next scene. Today’s scene will be filmed at the oceanside.

Xia Mo quietly stares at the crystal blue of the ocean waters, the wind mussing her hair every which way. A coat is placed around her shoulders, still carrying the scent of Luo Xi’s warmth and yet she remains oblivious to all of this, only staring silently out towards the ocean.

“When I was in New York, I went to church a lot, and one time, I made this prayer.” Luo Xi also stares out at the waters, the wind carrying his voice to her ear. “I prayed to have a peaceful heart, to allow me to accept the truths of what I cannot change…”

The ocean carries a golden reflection.

“…I prayed for courage, to change that which I could change…”

As the wind blows against the water, that golden reflection disperses into a thousand shards of light.

“…I prayed for wisdom, to allow me to be able to clearly separate the two things.”

Xia Mo watches the geese flying above the waters, their wings stretched out endlessly.

“Everything that could have been done, you’ve already done it for Xiao Cheng. And what cannot be changed now, should be accepted.” Luo Xi stares intently at the waif-like Xia Mo. “So can you continue on living for Xiao Cheng?”

*******

The ocean wind lightly blows. Ou Chen watches those two figures sitting by one another, his hand holding onto Xia Mo’s jacket, his footsteps pauses from his original intention of walking over there. The golden light splays across her and Luo Xi, his jacket resting around her shoulders, Luo Xi’s devoted stare at her while he appears to say something, and she sometimes appears to be listening and sometimes not. Even from such a distance, Ou Chen can sense the depth of emotion from Luo Xi’s eyes.

If he had never forcefully stolen her from Luo Xi…

If the one who had been at her side the day Xiao Cheng passed away had been Luo Xi instead of him…

With the vibrant blue waters lying against the golden sandy beach, the enveloping sunlight against the two of them depict a beautiful oil painting… and he is the pointless detail which has destroyed such perfection.

“Young Master.”

A familiar voice calls out besides Ou Chen, and intensity still brewing in his eyes, he turns to see Butler Shen standing next to him. Since they have not returned to Ou Mansion since Xiao Cheng’s passing, Ou Chen had asked Butler Shen to stay there since Xia Mo’s old house is much smaller and he hoped to decrease the possibility of any disturbances.

“Young Master, this is a letter that just arrived, it appears to be…”

Butler Shen tries desperately to control the nervousness in his voice but his slightly shaking hands bely his underlying panic. Just then a college student had arrived at Ou Mansion, claiming to be Young Master Xiao Cheng’s classmate and that he was asked to deliver this letter – Butler Shen had been so surprised that he had immediately decided to deliver the letter straight to Young Master.

“…appears to be a letter from Young Master Xiao Cheng…”
“Xiao Cheng?!”

Accidentally hearing the conversation, Zhen En is taken aback, the blood rushing to her head as she jumps up from her chair, rushing over to stare fixedly at that letter in Butler Shen’s hands!

Ou Chen’s body has also tensed and he stares nervously at the right corner of that light blue envelope, his eyes falling on that familiar handwriting – “Cheng”.

Xiao Cheng…

Faraway, Xia Mo seems to also hear that name and she lightly swivels her head. She focuses in on that letter, rushing up from her seat as Luo Xi hurriedly supports her, not letting her fall down.

The ocean wind has become colder.

Xia Mo takes the letter from Ou Chen with shaking hands. The letter is sent from Heaven; there is no stamp marring that light blue envelope, addressed simply to “Sister” and from “Cheng”.

She stares at that letter for a very long time.

Two teardrops splash down onto that letter, blossoming instantly. It is Xiao Cheng’s favorite stationary, as he once said that light blue is the color of the ocean and is the most suited for her.  It is as if he is still laughingly calling out to her –

Sister:

If you have received this letter, then that means I am now in Heaven. Don’t be sad; I’ll be very happy in Heaven with the only exception that I will really, really miss you.

Sister, I really don’t want to leave you…

But, just like you always said, Heaven is fair – whatever He gives, he will also take something in return. Heaven gave you to me, letting you be my sister, letting me be your brother, and this is His most precious and most luckiest gift to me. Sister, do you know how I much I love you? That even if Heaven gave me another chance to choose between you and life, no matter if I had to choose a hundred times, I would still always want to be your little brother. I would give up everything else.

So, I really am happy.

Sister, don’t be sad because of me leaving, okay? I’m only leaving you temporarily, and I’ll be returning to your side really soon. During the days that I’m gone, you have to live happily and healthily, and see all the beautiful sights in the world for me, eat all the good food for me, and don’t get sick or too tired.

Sister, I’m only leaving you temporarily. I’ll come back to you in my next life and at that time, I hope I’ll be your older brother so that I can take care of you instead, spoiling you like a little princess. Or perhaps, I won’t even have to wait that long and I’ll return, perhaps as the tiny little life that will grow inside of you.

Sister, see, it’ll just be a short amount of time that you won’t see me but I’ll be able to see you everyday from Heaven. Every time I see your smile, I’ll be filled with happiness, and when I see you sad, I’ll be filled with pain.

Sister…

For me, please live happily, okay?

I will love you forever.

Your Xiao Cheng.

The sunlight falls onto that light blue letter, as tears roll down Xia Mo’s face, her body shaking as the wind blows in her hair, her hands tightly clenching that letter as her tears smear the writing.

And then – she suddenly faints, her tears sliding diagonally across her face. Luo Xi’s heart pulls and he reaches out hastily to try to catch her but someone else has already tightly pulled her into his embrace as her tears soak into his chest.

“Xia Mo!” Ou Chen’s voice rings out hollow, cradling her cold body.

*******

There seems to be an endless number of shadows moving back and forth, nonsensical murmurings by her ear as someone tightly clutches her hand, emanating such pain and fear that it slowly seeps into her own heart.

It is as if she has been dreaming for a long, long time.

She had thought… that she would die in that eternal nightmare.

*******

“Mr. Ou, congratulations, your wife is two months’ pregnant…” Separated by a thick blanket, someone seems to be talking to the person who is gripping her hand.

Those fingers suddenly tighten on her own. And then quickly warm. That grasping hand on hers begins to shake lightly.

A man’s face seems to lay itself against her heart and there seems to be warm tears falling as a hoarse voice breaks out, “Xia Mo, did you hear? A child, we have a child…”

Child…

………………..

Or perhaps, I won’t even have to wait that long and I’ll return, perhaps as the tiny little life that will grow inside of you.

………………..

Listening to the broken murmurings of Ou Chen next to her, she lies in bed, her eyelashes soaked in tears. The moment she had felt his tears falling, her own tears had also leaked out from her tightly closed eyes…

As those tears fell, she slowly lost track of time…

As daylight and night slowly became intertwined together…

As if while a life may be ending… the beginning of a new life is just around the corner…